In a turn of events that has left many within the scientific community shocked and upset, Earth announced Thursday that he will seek a separation from longtime spouse, Moon.
The couple has been together for about 4.5 billion years since they met in what scientists call the “giant impact.”
Moon described the initial exchange as “a surprise meeting of explosive chemistry that changed my composition forever,” but Earth said in a statement he has grown restless after such a long union.
“We got together when I was barely 40 million years old,” he said in a spontaneous interview with outer space gossip blog “Just Jupiter” outside his Milky Way home late Thursday evening. “I didn’t even know what I wanted then. And now I feel like I’m just trapped in this endless orbit of clinginess and the same constant elliptical shape over and over—a guy needs some space out there in space!”
Moon was unavailable for comment, but her close friend, and fellow moon, Titan revealed in an interview she is devastated by the breakup.
“I don’t think any of us really saw it coming,” Titan told reporters. “The two of them have always seemed so happy. And she did everything for him! Just tell me this: Who’s gonna help him with the tides now, huh? Who’s gonna reflect sunlight for him late at night when he’s cold and lonely? No appreciation. I always thought, gee, a moon and her planet, that’s forever, right? But now I’m doubting everything—I can’t lose Saturn and end up like the moon!”
Sources close to Earth reveal Moon will continue to orbit him until other arrangements can be made, but he is unsure in whose gravitational pull she will end up.
“I just want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me,” Earth said. “She’s a good moon. She’s just gotten to be a little too fond of attention, and quite frankly I think the werewolf thing was very immature on her part.”
NASA scientists are devastated by the separation.
“It changes a guy, having your planet and your moon split up like that,” NASA spokesperson Bud Jarvis said. “Was it something we did? Is it because of us? We just don’t know.”
