A man seen Thursday afternoon, lounging on a bench patiently waiting for the 80 bus and sporting “the most awe-inspiring beard ever seen,” was confirmed by University Communications to be Chancellor David Ward.
Ward has not been seen in public since Feb. 2, where indeed the Chancellor saw his shadow much to the student body’s delight.
Press conferences have been attended by the Chancellor’s official body double. The resemblance is uncanny, but the double does have a mole on his left ear that makes the distinction quite easy.
What the Chancellor has been doing with his spare time has led to much speculation in the University’s tabloid paper, “The Badger Herald.” Some believed he may follow in the footsteps of Biddy Martin and seek to become the next president of Amherst College. Others believed he was on a personal visit to Indonesia to personally inspect the Adidas situation.
However, the Chancellor sighting Thursday provided with the campus the answer they have been waiting for: he was growing a really sweet beard.
Onlookers report that the mustache portion of the beard resembled that of imperial officers in the Napoleonic Age with an upward twirl.
Jeff Hanson, a UW-senior recounted that “the beard itself just cascaded off his face like a waterfall of wisdom. I couldn’t handle it, I had to avert my eyes to keep myself from just standing there in awe.”
The beard effect wasn’t exclusive to Hanson. After sitting down for only five minutes, a small crowd formed around him keeping 15 feet away.
Chancellor Ward explained his motivation while sipping his afternoon tea. “I wanted to grow a beard, so I did. What are they going to do, fire me?” he said.