I am currently sitting in my bedroom, staring out the window wondering a few things. First, why is there no snow on the ground? I want a white fluffy winter wonderland, not that unappealingly grey stage between autumn colors and wintery awesomeness. Second, why is it dark at 4:45 p.m.? I don’t know why this surprises me so much every year, but I also don’t know why daylight saving time can’t be a permanent change. And third, can I get out of this last week of school if I jump out the window and break my legs?
As much as I would love feeling sorry for myself and staring forlornly at my reflection in the glass (much like a sad, dying puppy), I’m going to take advantage of this column-writing opportunity and make myself feel better by listing things that I like. I have a dire need for positive thoughts, so this is genuinely necessary to preserve my sanity and overall well-being.
I love those fat dogs with an absurd amount of extra skin that forms rolls upon rolls of deep-ass wrinkles. If I had one, I would hide coins in its skin all day. That way, when they finally worked their way out a few months later, they would be shiny, polished and new! Or maybe they would just be really disgusting and oily. I’ll have to try that one out.
I like the feeling you get when you listen to a new album for the first time and realize that’s all you’ll want to listen to for the next 3 weeks. I also like the feeling of recommending said album to other people, who in turn realize its greatness and admire you for your kickass taste in music.
I like hanging out in the woods by the social science building. The pseudo-nature ambiance is exceedingly pleasant, especially on Sunday afternoons when the bell tower is going crazy. Somebody awesome built a nice little hut out of sticks and logs out there. It was nice while it lasted, until I had the unfortunate experience of having to witness the university maintenance people turn it into a pile of firewood with a chainsaw.
I like drinking diet pop around the people I know that disapprove of diet pop. I’d rather get cancer from the fake sugar down the road (it’s inevitable no matter what you eat) than be fat now. And until the FDA deems aspartame unsafe, I’m fucking consuming it.
I love watching movies so horrible that I can laugh at them. You can imagine my delight when I noticed a $5 copy of “Mega-Shark vs. Giant-Octopus” on a late-night Wal-Mart run. Look up the trailer on YouTube. You will not be disappointed.
I like Jimmy Johns. I like walking as well as sitting, but not running. Maybe jogging. I like feather pillows instead of foam ones, and when light bulbs give off a warm yellow glow instead of a sterile white light. I like when people trip up the stairs in front of me because I feel good about myself when I ask them if they’re okay. I love Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I like when my neighbors sing, thinking they’re alone and not realizing that I can very clearly hear their stunning rendition of Kelis’s “Milkshake.”
But perhaps the best thing in the world is that feeling you get walking out of your very last final, knowing that no matter the results of your tests or the grades you end up getting, you’re finished. It’s the only thing keeping me going right now. That and the “Milkshake” music video. So choice!
What are some of your favorite things? Email all of them to Elliot at ejmorris2@wisc. Every last one.
