My boyfriend and I are in the first long term relationship for both of us. Neither of us think we're ready for sex (intercourse) yet, but we want to try some other activities … my question specifically is about blowjobs. I don't have a lot of experience in this area and I was wondering if you have any tips or suggestions for giving a good blowjob. Thanks.
Beginner Lacks Outstanding Wisdom
Luckily, BLOW, ""outstanding wisdom"" is not required for giving good head—even the very best blowjobs make use of just a few basic principles and techniques that are easy to master.
First, take a moment to consider: why do you like blowjobs? Enthusiasm is key; the most spectacular oral technique in the world can't always suffice if your partner feels like you're just going down out of uninspired obligation. Whether it's seeing how madly turned on your partner gets and the heat of wielding that particular kind of power and control, or the trust involved with such an intimate activity, figure out what it is about oral sex that makes it as hot when you give as it is when you receive.
Next, think about how you (and your partner's) entire body can play a role in oral sex. Your mouth will certainly be your focus—we'll get to that in a sec—but you can incorporate lots of other body parts, too. Every now and again, cast a glance upward and make some sultry eye contact. Use your hands on parts of your partner's body that you don't have in your mouth. Gently cup his balls. Put a little lube or spit on the tip of your finger and diddle his ass. Brush your fingernails along the inside of his thigh. Press your palms into his hips and lift his whole pelvis toward your mouth.
In addition to expanding the range of his sensation, the preceding tips give you instant feedback if you pay attention: how do his muscles react to what you're doing with your mouth? What makes his toes curl? When does he moan or breathe a little faster? If you're getting toe curls, heavy breathing, exclamations of, ""God! That's SO GOOD!"" Keep doing what you're doing, your partner probably likes it.
And of course, though lots of body parts can get in on the action, it is ultimately called oral sex, so what to do with your mouth? First and foremost, watch your teeth. Though some dudes like the occasional (and usually gentle) nip or nibble, it would be wise to not assume this to be necessarily true of your partner. It would then behoove you to curl those lips around your teeth. Nothing can kill the bee-jay mood quite like a misplaced tooth scrape.
Alright, now that we know what to do with our mouths, where do we do with them once we have a dick in there? Among the most sensitive parts of the circumcised penis are the head and the frenulum (that little triangular ridge on the underside where the head meets the shaft). Focus here. What works best, (long, slow circles, quick flicks with the tip of your tongue), will be specific to your partner. Pay attention to how he reacts (or, of course, you can always ask him). Then there's the corona, or the ridge that separates the shaft from the head. The underside of that ridge can be particularly sensitive and stimulating, but be sure to pay attention to your partner's reactions as the corona can, for some guys, be a bit too stimulating. And what if your man has a uncut member? All the aforementioned pleasure zones still apply, but you've got yourself a little something extra to work with. Try pulling the foreskin back up and roll your tongue around inside.
Finally, there's the art of deep throating. Much like good food or wine, when it's good, it's good, and when its not, well, you get the drift. If you have a particularly sensitive gag reflex, you can create a similar sensation using both your hands wrapped around the shaft of a lubed-up penis with your mouth at the tip. With this technique, you can alternate soft and hard pressure with your hand, give the shaft a little twist on the way up or down, or even use your fingers to give a little extra stimulation to the corona. Keep in mind, however, that deep throating is a wholly unique feeling. If you don't have much capacity for it, practice. While you can practice giving head on a dildo or other phallic object, you can also use it to tame your gag reflex. And if you end up tossing your cookies or chomping down on a dildo, it probably won't complain.
So what's the deal with the gag reflex and what if I don't have a dildo? First things first, the gag reflex is a natural defense against large objects getting into the throat that shouldn't be there. Like when you don't chew that bratwurst well enough. But it's not an all-or-nothing response. When you brush your teeth in the morning (or at night, since some people have a more sensitive gag reflex in the morning), take a few seconds to brush your tongue. Every night, work on brushing your tongue a millimeter farther back. As your soft palate gets used to being touched, your gag reflex will decrease.
So BLOW, try those pointers on for size. While this column is jam-packed with tips for giving your man good head, remember that the best head is the head your partner likes. Try asking him. Do you like your dick sucked hard or soft? Fast or slow? Wet or dry? Deep or just inside the mouth? Should I vice grip your balls or stay away? Do you want me to tickle your prostate or keep my fingers out and away from your ass? So many questions, but so much better head!
Sex questions? E-mail sex@dailycardinal.com.
