I'm a senior who needs to figure out a place to live next year. What are some of the various advantages to the different living options around the campus area?
—George C.
Georgey-porgey,
You're bound to hear a number of myths and misconceptions about housing around this time. If you're still trying to figure out a place to live, at least you've gotten past the falsehood propagated by Madison landlords that you need to sign a lease in November to guarantee a good place to live. Beyond that, each region of the city offers a unique living experience, which I'll try to clarify as best I can.
State Street:
Pro: Tons of dining options at your fingertips allow you to experience tons of new cuisine.
Con: Tons of dining options at your fingertips are rendered useless by your frugality and laziness. ""Mixing it up"" means ordering from the KFC half of the combination KFC and Taco Bell.
Stadium Neighborhood:
Pro: You and your roommates are participants in one of the greatest tailgating experiences in the country, as thousands of fans come together to cheer on the Badgers for seven fall Saturdays a year.
Con: You and your roommates are expected, nay, mandated by your non-Stadium friends to have one of the greatest tailgating experiences in the country, and invite thousands of friends to come together and puke in your bushes for seven fall Saturdays a year.
The Dorms:
Pro: As a senior, you'll be looked to as a natural leader in the dorms, and will undoubtedly particpate in tons of fun dorm activities
Con: As a senior, you'll be looked to as a natural source of beer by everyone else in the dorm, and will undoubtedly not be invited to any of their parties, as your presence is often characterized as ""creepy.""
Hope that empirical look at housing choices helps you in your decision-making process George. Happy hunting!
Deer Cardinal-
I can't feel my face, and my teeth keep making clicking noises. My roommate told me that I probably have herpes or the mumps, but I don't trust him, because he's a desk lamp. HELP ME!
—Patrick S
Patty Wagon-
From the sounds of it, you have a very treatable case of multi-associational inanimatidentitis, or MAID for short. The symptoms of MAID can be triggered by variety of factors, including the ingesting of psychotropic drugs, huffing cans of computer duster, or eating bad sushi. Really bad sushi. The easiest way to treat MAID is to get a big glass of water, heat up about 40 Totino's Pizza Rolls and watch ""Dazed and Confused"" on mute with Will Smith's Big Willie Style playing on repeat. The symptoms won't subside right away, but you'll be so entranced by the subtle ways ""Gettin' Jiggy With It"" mirrors Matthew McConaughey's movements, and you'll spend at least an hour eating those pizza rolls. As long as Lampy doesn't talk over the movie, you should slip into a MAID-induced slumber around the 45-minute mark of the film, and wake up in the morning as good as new.
Send all your questions for the Deer Cardinal to deercardinal@dailycardinal.com. As soon as he's done listening to ""Miami"" for the twelfth time he'll send you a response.
