Ahh, February 13. The day pitchers and catchers report to spring training and former pitchers and catchers report to Washington D.C. But it's also the day before Valentine's Day, which means we have to take our annual look at some of the Valentine's Day cards that have come across the sports wires this week:
Dear Roger Clemens,
Since I don't have to be on Capitol Hill today ratting you out, I figured I would write you this Valentine to lift your spirits. You know, I was thinking that you might want to think about telling the truth. I know you got used to sticking those needles in your butt, but if you go to prison - well, you know. P.S., do you think ESPN will ever get some new footage of us working out? Every time I turn on the TV I see us throwing that football or catching the baseball sliding left and right. Don't they know we were high when we filmed that?
Your BFF, Andy Pettitte.
Dear Boilermakers,
Sorry we didn't rank you higher this week. See, we don't get the Big Ten Network, so we really had no idea you even beat Wisconsin at the Kohl Center. We apologize because sometimes we can be a little hypocritical. You see, we like to complain about how the Big Ten isn't that good, but then when a team like yours comes along that features two exciting freshmen, aggressive defense and one of the better young head coaches, you make us look like we are wrong. So instead of giving you the ranking you deserve, we decided to ignore your big win and hope you lost at home to Michigan State Tuesday night. Whoops!
Happy V-Day, the media.
Villanova,
On behalf of every Big East official, we hope you accept this Valentine's Day card as an apology for what happened Monday night at Georgetown. That referee should have swallowed his whistle. No really, he should have literally swallowed his whistle for making that call because he choked and blew the game. Contact? That referee forgot that it wasn't the ACC - you are allowed to play defense.
Sorry, Big East Commissioner Mike Tranghese
Yo Eric Gordon,
Sorry about chest bumping you last week before the game. My 4.6 points per game average went to my head and I got a little excited. Maybe I'm a little jealous because when I got to Champaign everyone called me Lil' Dee Brown. I always wanted my rapper name to be Lil' Fraz, but Lil' Dee wasn't bad when I realized they were comparing me to one of the best guards in Illinois history. So I took the compliment and went out and averaged 1.3 ppg my freshman year. You're leading the Big Ten in scoring as a freshman! Good luck in the NBA, because unless we meet in the Big Ten Tournament, we'll never play at the same level together ever again.
Love me or hate me, Chester Frazier
Dear Skip Bayless,
You are a moron.
Love, Adam Hoge
Send your valentines to Adam at hoge@wisc.edu.
