The Full NelsonSpring break is generally the time to allow the Girls Gone Wild corporation to record a decade's worth of footage, get drunk out of one's gourd and pick up exciting new venereal diseases—super chlamydia anyone?
However, break can also be a time to discover who you are as a human being. Whether you endure super-sketchy situations or do nothing but play Text Twist (high score 203,950, thank you very much), you can only grow as a person.
I made my journey along with six other friends as we made the epic voyage to Acapulco. As a result of this trek, our lives shall never seem the same.
For example, I learned you should not wave a balloon doggy in front of a roided-out drunken-tool. It didn't matter that with Sparky\ I had perfected the balloon arts on a scale that would make even Leonardo da Vinci proud. Oh no, this guy still decided he should kick my ass, and I surmised I should get the hell out of there, Sparky be damned.
We also learned that it's good to haggle over prices, but sometimes not always in humanity's best interest. This is especially evident in the field of foreign taxi drivers—the lower the price they'll accept, the less likely you will live to see the next day.
Nearly all the taxi drivers we encountered wanted $5 to get us home, but that seemed like far too high of a price for four people to pay. We eventually found a guy who accepted the insanely low price of $3, which it turns out he did because he was absolutely insane, or a drug user … but most likely a fun combination of the two.
This ""Crazy Taxi"" reject somehow found a way to massively violate the lenient Acapulcan speed limit while the traffic was stuck in gridlock. He weaved about the stuck traffic like our lives did not depend upon it.
After this impressive feat, many of us got out of the car and hugged various light posts and walls, proud to be alive and on terra firma again—except for Dave, who unfortunately perished in the ride. The worst part was, he died before paying, costing me an extra three pesos, how rude!
The most surprising lesson will have life changing ramifications for our group of six—do not have sex on Mexican beaches. This might seem obvious because you could easily get sand in uncomfortable places like your ears or between the toes.
But my friend Jimmy can personally attest to the negativity of this action. Apparently, in process of ""the act,"" he attracted two burly police officers brandishing AK-47s. Playing devil's advocate here, the weaponry could have been the police officers kind way of saying ""No, no, you should not do this … think of your crevices!""
This was not the case, as they demanded all of Jimmy's money in exchange for his life. Unfortunately, Jimmy only had the equivalent of $4. Fortunately, $4 is the going price to buy off two corrupt police officers. Without Mexico, this value would never be realized.
With that, I say thank you Mexico and thank you spring break. Without you, I would not have found myself. Without you, I may have had sex in a Mexican taxi on the beach while waving a balloon doggy in someone's face. Now I realize I should not do this. Thanks Mexico!
