Many in the media are understandably furious with right-wing pundit Armstrong Williams, who last week accepted $241,000 from the U.S. Department of Education to tout the No Child Left Behind Act on his syndicated television show in 2003. Williams himself admitted he damaged the independence and credibility of the media by selling his airtime to the government and then not disclosing the deal while he discussed NCLB on the air.
However, while others may pillory his lack of journalistic ethics, I applaud his entrepreneurial ingenuity. I mean, why should I expound my political views in the public forum for free when the beneficiaries of those views could be compensating me for my pains? Therefore, since I am a poor college student in need of hard cash, I have sold the following paragraphs of this column for a small fee. To protect my journalistic integrity, the sponsor of each paragraph will be identified.
So, is everyone glad to be back for a new semester? Don't look now, but your tuition has just increased again. It will almost certainly increase several more times in the next few years. It seems Gov. Jim Doyle is not only unconcerned about these increases but is, in fact, proposing them. Nevertheless, you should all vote for him in 2006 because he's way more electable than a Green and slightly less bad than a Republican. Isn't that all we can really ask for? (Paid for by the Committee to Re-elect Jim Doyle.)
We Democrats need to wake up and smell the roses. The fact is, the Republicans are just better than us. Better strategists, better fundraisers, better organized. They've successfully outmaneuvered us on practically every issue, and now we have no coherent positions on anything any normal American cares about. We need to give up the vain hope of advancing hopeless policies and instead concentrate on minimizing the damage caused by the Republican majority. Never mind government's obligation to improve the lives of its citizens-that's history. If we can prevent the country from turning into a full-blown Orwellian nightmare, I say we've done enough. (Paid for by the Democratic Leadership Council.)
The University of Wisconsin Board of Regents has taken a lot of flak for increasing executive pay ranges at a time when they are hiking tuition. Their response has been that the UW System needs to maintain salary parity with other Big Ten schools in order to remain competitive for the best administrators. I agree completely. Let's be honest, our current administrators aren't so hot. Does anyone think they'll get better if we pay them less? (Paid for by UW Board of Regents and American Eagle Chrome Wheels.)
I'm sure you've heard a lot about ASM in the student papers, but does anyone really know what it is? It's Associated Students of Madison. You know, the student government. Like student governments everywhere, it trains student activists to be the leaders of tomorrow by equipping them with those weapons that should be foremost in the arsenal of any free public citizen: symbolic resolutions and press releases. Still working on that tuition thing, though. (Paid for by Associated Students of Madison.)
The UW-Madison College Democrats have now pummeled the College Republicans in flag football for two straight seasons. The Republicans are concerned that Wisconsin voters may lose confidence in them as the party that is tough on terrorism when it is not even tough enough to beat a bunch of soft liberals at football. Since the Dems have also prevailed in softball, the GOP is coming up with a more decisive, yet more gentlemanly, partisan contest. Dueling, anyone? (Paid for by the UW-Madison College Republicans, the National Rifle Association and Zell Miller.)
You know, I've always found the phrase Der Rathskeller to be, well, rather boring. I propose the university rename it Der Ronald Reagan Memorial Rathskeller. (Paid for by the Reagan Legacy Project.)
I think I've made my point. Now that, like Armstrong Williams, I've taken the money and will never give it back, I am deeply apologetic and realize the ethical implications of what I've done. I assure you that I have learned my lesson and that it will never happen again.
opinion@dailycardinal.com.
