almanac

Obama posterizes Steve Bannon in White House pickup game

Steve Bannon’s role as Senior Advisor to the President of the United States was briefly halted when the visiting former POTUS challenged Bannon to a pickup game of one-on-one basketball. Bannon reluctantly accepted and was dunked on in full view of his White House staff.
The echoes from the apocalyptic monster jam reverberated across the hardwood court behind the White House and over the fence onto Pennsylvania Avenue.
“Tourists were asking if they were moving furniture inside the White House,” a Front Lawn security officer said. “We could hear the game from the street.”
The line of Secret Service Agents watching the game while seated upon a bench in the courtyard erupted following the poster dunk, with some jumping in the air and others shouting in an animated, crazed fashion while swinging gym towels above their heads.
“The reaction of the Secret Service agents present at the game was very much like a team’s bench in college basketball,” a leading sports analyst said. “It was one of the better bench reactions I have seen.”
Reporters present at the event noted that Obama abandoned strategy entirely following the first few minutes of the game, choosing instead to steal the ball when Bannon possessed it and lob practice shots from the half-court line.
“Obama literally broke his ankles at one point,” a reporter said. “He pulled this crazy, through—the legs fake, and Bannon just sort of—went sprawling.”
Our chief strategist performed wonderfully during a basketball game yesterday,” Press Secretary Sean Spicer said in the next morning’s press briefing. “He pulled skilled moves on the former POTUS, who he soundly defeated after a game-winning three-point shot.”
A Secret Service agent keeping score confirmed that the game was 41-3 in Obama’s favor at the end of regulation.
President Obama allowed few questions after the game and was allegedly unimpressed with Bannon’s performance on the hard court.
“If he really does want to watch the whole system ‘crashing down around him,’ he’s going to need to step up his game.”

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