There’s a joke from 2008 about how two games, “Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots”and “Fallout 3,” both opened with gruff old guys talking about war. The joke is in the fact that “Metal Gear Solid 4” wanted us to know about how “war has changed,” and repeated that line several times in its introduction, whereas “Fallout 3” was emphatic about how “war never changes.” Well, in 2015, “Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain” and “Fallout 4” were both released two months apart, and “Fallout 4” still opens with a monologue about how war never changes.
This week, my roommate got a UW Secret Admirer. It made her day and mine, good people. It lit up our lives. Her admirer used a cute pick-up line: “Are you from Tennessee? Cuz you’re the only ten I see!” Partner of her dreams, right? Pages like “Admirers” and “Confessions” can be advantageous for the university community. They make people feel appreciated—especially the ones about roommates ejaculating in the shared milk jug. Happy Roommates Day!—and can create an outlet for people to vent. Additionally, the vague posts can let us know how other people articulate their feelings. The pleas to “give me a sign” can remind us to actually allow people to let us know that we’re interested. It encourages directness while also letting us be less overt with our affections. Smart. Finally, (non-creepy) “admires” aimed at a specific person can help that person have a really lovely day. It gives people something to talk about and can create a fun series of guesswork. Whether by helping us see that people all over are in love or entertaining us for a few minutes in between classes, the simple Facebook pages in life can help brighten our days. However, my friends, I quickly began wondering why the heck this silly “admire,” meant so much to my roomie when we weren’t even sure who he was. And wouldn’t it have meant more if he had told her this in person? Although UW Secret Admirers is an innovative way of getting the attention of someone we appreciate from afar, it gives us yet another excuse to wimp out of real-life interactions. I know I talk about this frequently, but let’s examine it just once more, in the wake of Confessions and Secret Admirers and whatever else is next. People, let’s use our words. Although that phrase has always worked in the past, it needs a new caveat now—in person. While I checked every single “admire” until I found one designated to me, I think that hitting on a person is more effective if we tell them we’re interested (however covertly) to their face. Call me a traditionalist, but I think when a person is attracted to another person, they should have the guts to say hello. I know it’s hard to do, but sometimes it pays off—big time. We don’t have to say, “Damn, you fine,” but the old smile-nod can always work to our advantage. I often use the awkward-joke intro to get in with a new friend: Think Zooey Deschanel in “500 Days of Summer,” but more awkward and less funny. Gets ’em 60 percent of the time, all the time. Besides, the real life skill of bravely asking out someone we recently met can translate into many facets of being a professional and playful person. Spring break is coming up, dear readers, and if we don’t make a move almost immediately, our week may have expired! And I know, I know, it’s much easier to approach someone when we are in a spring-break situation; we have nothing to lose, and if we get rejected by that hot Harvard co-ed, well, they were probably out of our league anyway. At Madison, the stakes are higher, as a “no” from a potential beau may create awkward situations in the future. But think! How many doors would we open if we lived like we only lived once (YOLO!)? There are so many prospective partners here at the U-Dub that it would be a shame to let opportunities pass while we had them. Realize that we will never again be in a pool this size of people to get to know. Take advantage! Whether we utilize The Facebook (keep the “The”) or ask out hotties from class with a wink and a smile, we should always aim to put ourselves out there if we’re looking for a significant other. Good luck, Badgers! Got questions? Send an email to email@example.com for the juiciest answers.
This summer, I’m finally going to check off one of the last things on my sports-fan bucket list. I’m going as a reporter, not a fan, mind you, but don’t let that silly little distinction keep you from assuming I’ll have a good time anyways. I’m going on adventure to Miller Park to see the Brewers play baseball.
Absentee ballots and the Internet are two important tools UW-Madison students studying abroad used to stay connected to the U.S. election.