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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Monday, March 09, 2026

The Beet

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THE BEET

That's all she wrote

That’s all she wrote I’m looking at you and thinking about how the pen That pen there That you have in your mouth Will be wet Now From the moisture on your tongue And that pen That pen right there Will also be hot With each Heavy breath that you exhale And that pen Yeah baby that  Wet Pen you have in your mouth Right There- Will have bite marks on it Where you’ve clenched your jaw and bitten down With each crescendo of your lungs As air touches your wet lips And your eyes blink like forbidden fruit -- ughh honey your mouth could write the sweetest poetry That pen That pen there Signs my life away


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THE BEET

Applying for Citizenship

It’s not home. But wasn’t it once? Wasn’t it ours before we were told who we were? Didn’t we exist before we were given these names? There must have been a time before Ma lost her tongue to shame.


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THE BEET

The Presence of Trees

I found an article the other day about a situation in Melbourne last year on how the city had identified all trees with a different number and email address, so that citizens could send emails to city officials about complaints, a way to improve the city life.


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THE BEET

Study finds correlation between IQ, Snapchat use and rate of injuries

A study released by UW-Madison’s Psychology Research Division has outlined a network of patterns linking the popular social media application Snapchat to a nationwide surge of unexplained injuries, most of which involve either hyperextension of the arms or traumatic impacts with bystanders, furniture and inanimate objects in the street. According to experts, the application promotes the extension of outstretched arms into high-traffic areas such as hallways, elevators, escalators and particle accelerators.


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THE BEET

Nowhere

This is the second installment in our ongoing mystery series. In the first installment of Nowhere, three friends, Hannah, Cade, and Levi walk across a frozen lake Mendota in the middle of the night.


THE BEET

By creating new bubbling drinking machine, smartass Wisconsinite proves point

Mathew Leedom, an engineer at the Wisconsin General Electric factory, developed a fully-functional bubbling drinking fountain Monday night, giving validity to the well-known “bubbler,” a slang term used to describe the hydrating machine. A 15-year veteran with GE, Leedom decided to develop the blueprint for the machine after a debate with an out-of-state coworker about the proper name for the device.


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THE BEET

An elegy

when i kissed a boy with your same name: 1. cigarettes hung on my clothes and the scent of lilacs lingered in my pores 2. deception on my lips but I can still remember the blood on your hands 3. your fingernails raked across the surface of my brain and my mind screamed a chorus of no’s 4. we warmed each other with our bodies but your name still feels like ice on my tongue


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THE BEET

Day 74

Do not worry about the girl who left and walked forever, she is taking space for herself. The world is round, she’ll be back.


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LIFE & STYLE

Let's TALK About Sex!

*Before I start this article, I want to begin with a consent caveat. Everything discussed in this article is clearly pointing to all sexual activities between consenting partners.


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THE BEET

Nowhere

This the first installment of a new mysterious story that will be released in multiple parts over the remainder of the semester.


THE BEET

Silverback gorillas escape from primate lab, wreak havoc on Mifflin Street

Mifflin Street has been closed to the public and largely sealed off from reporters and press after a group of juvenile silverback gorillas escaped containment at the controversial Harlow Center for Biological Psychology—more commonly known as the Primate Lab—and utterly trashed the rental properties on Mifflin Street a full two months before tradition dictated they be trashed during the Mifflin Street Block Party. “We were not aware of the presence of these gorillas on our campus,” an assistant dean of the Psychology Department said.



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