THE BEET
Geraldine of ‘Geraldine’s Pick’ named next UW-Madison chancellor
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 10, 2022Geraldine will not be sitting in a cushy office in Bascom Hall.
The Beet
THE BEET
Fun ways to spend spring break without traveling
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 9, 2022Some advice for the poors.
THE BEET
Sen. Marco Rubio confirmed to be direct descendant of Judas
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 8, 2022The new information comes as no surprise to anyone with a Twitter account.
THE BEET
Who is Poop Johnson?
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 7, 2022Ingraham Hall’s captivating mystery has gone unsolved for nearly two months.
THE BEET
Putin’s response to Almanac article creates massive stink
By Jeffrey Brown | Mar. 4, 2022Putin was reportedly embarrassed to such a degree that he is heavily considering a complete withdrawal from Ukraine.
THE BEET
Report: Putin ordered Ukrainian attack to prove manliness after being caught drinking a cosmo, listening to Madonna
By Mackenzie Moore | Mar. 3, 2022Nothing says “dominance” like invading an innocent country that takes pride in its sunflowers.
THE BEET
Exploring the totally legit ways people are informed via social media
By Angela Glowacki | Mar. 2, 2022“If it’s not in the form of one of those cute slideshows on Instagram, I don’t want it.”
THE BEET
Elden Ring review
By Jeffrey Brown | Mar. 1, 2022Elden Ring is nothing like Marvel's award-winning 2018 action-adventure game.
THE BEET
Breaking News: Duolingo Owl and Bucky Badger's relationship confirmed
By Angela Glowacki | Feb. 28, 2022Sources reported that Bucky and Duo were stumbling down State Street, paw in wing, haphazardly pushing unsuspecting students off the sidewalk.
THE BEET
Students petition for more gargoyles on campus buildings
By Jeffrey Brown | Feb. 25, 2022After noticing a lack of gargoyle presence on campus, students are calling for the creatures to be atop every building.
THE BEET
What different celebrities have for a post-sex snack
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 24, 2022No celebrity dieticians here
THE BEET
Chancellor Becky Blank and Willie the Wildcat seen on hot and heavy Valentine’s Day escapade
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 24, 2022Becky Blank and Willie the Wildcat's Valentine's Day outing scars students, further solidifying the fact that this is Bucky's campus
THE BEET
Woman breaks up with fiancé after discovering he eats Trix cereal — ‘I thought he was a man, not a kid’
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 23, 2022After catching her fiance eating the cereal, Stacy Morgan had to face the fact that Trix are for kids.
THE BEET
Juwan Howard slaps doctor after medical assistant tests blood pressure: ‘I had to protect myself’
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 21, 2022Following Juwan Howard's outburst after the Michigan menu's basketball team lost to Wisconsin, previous victims speak out.
THE BEET
UW campus site of gruesome murder, authorities posit likely cause
By Aycia Tevris | Feb. 17, 2022Cucumber found maimed, foul play assumed.
THE BEET
Melting, mud-crusted snowman reminds passersby of youth’s fleeting nature
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 16, 2022How long do I really have left? Am I closer to being six feet underground than I am to being the age where I woke up on a snow day and played outside before cozying up in a warm blanket, drinking a hot chocolate?
THE BEET
UW-Madison average GPA, attendance skyrockets after fake IDs fail to scan
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 15, 2022Grades and attendance have improved since underage students were left without working fake IDs, but not without cost.
THE BEET
Couple enters committed relationship after meeting in Kwik Trip candy aisle
By Mackenzie Moore | Feb. 14, 2022"I noticed that he was looking back and forth between the Kit Kats and the Hershey bars. I couldn't help but think, 'If I were this guy's girlfriend, we could buy one of each and share.'"
THE BEET
Mediocre white man rightfully earns Hollywood star
By Angela Glowacki | Feb. 10, 2022“I just drunk tweeted that I wanted one and the internet shit its pants.”
THE BEET
TikTok users successfully push to bring back GE 1964 Americana Refrigerator
By Jeffrey Brown | Feb. 10, 2022Originating on Twitter, TikTok users have successfully swayed General Electric to bring back the 1964 GE Americana Refrigerator.
Popular
By Abigail Bures
|
12/10/2025
By Zoey Elwood
|
12/11/2025
By Wilder Gervais
|
12/09/2025
By Abigail Bures
|
12/10/2025
By Alexa Cattouse
|
12/10/2025
Tweets by DailyCardinal
Print
Read on Issuu
