The Beet
Swiftie Super Bowl Sunday album announcement
By Omar Waheed | Feb. 9She already blessed us with her 11th studio album announcement, but Taylor Swift has another big announcement for the Super Bowl for Swifties.
Union South’s water broke. It’s a boy!
By Henry Moore | Feb. 6After nine months of grueling pregnancy, Union South’s water broke to reveal the newest edition to the UW-Madison campus.
Tenacious TikTok cleaning recipes to blast the stains away
By Omar Waheed | Feb. 2Destroy dastardly stains with war-like power from some of TikTok's best at-home cleaning solutions.
Campus cops taking tips on torrid toilet use
By Omar Waheed | Feb. 2Campus police are searching for leads to bust busters in Mosse Humanities bathrooms.
A tasteful review of former UW-La Crosse Chancellor Joe Gow’s erotic escapades
By Omar Waheed | Jan. 25Former University of Wisconsin-La Crosse Chancellor Joe Gow was recently fired by the Board of Regents for creating homemade pornographic videos with his wife, Carmen Wilson. In light of the recent events, the question remains: are the videos actually worth viewing?
Ask Morgan, holiday special edition: How to deal with oversized trees, your boyfriend’s mom
By Morgan McCormack | Dec. 15Sometimes the only way to get rid of something is by causing a “little accident.”
Metro passengers relieved public masturbator grower, not shower
By Omar Waheed | Oct. 5Metro riders were left surprised as a local public masturbator turned out to be a grower, not a shower.
Campus demands hazing for 2023 freshmen honors class
By Sreejita Patra | Oct. 5Starting Oct. 10, UW-Madison policy for seniors, graduate students and professors will be to encourage taunting, booing and jeering at freshmen students walking over Bascom Hill to classes.
Hey Morgan! I’ve been seeing this guy for a while and he just asked to be exclusive. I really like him. The only problem is he doesn’t have a job and doesn’t really go to class that much. What should I do?
By Morgan McCormack | Oct. 5Tell him to lay off the sigma male podcasts.
UW-Madison behind on internet bill as result of Republican budget cuts
By Omar Waheed | Sep. 13Recent budget cuts have caused the University of Wisconsin-Madison to fall behind on its internet bill, according to Chancellor Jennifer Mnookin.
Hey Morgan! My parents are really bugging me to get a job next semester, but it seems like too much work with all the classes I’m taking. What do I do to get them off my back?
By Morgan McCormack | Sep. 7Find "experience" and make it sound important.
Civil rights activist Robin Vos continues fight to end racism
By Omar Waheed | Sep. 7How much time do you want for your progress? The time is now,” Vos said passionately. “I have a dream.”
Hey, Morgan! My older sister is really annoying me. She’s obviously my parents' favorite and I can’t take it anymore. What should I do?
By Morgan McCormack | Apr. 25Eliminate the competition and your parents will have to make you the favorite.
Hey, Morgan! All my friends went abroad to London this semester, and I’m super lonely. What should I do?
By Morgan McCormack | Apr. 21What does London have? Big Ben? As someone with a clock in their pocket, I am not impressed.