Literature gives meaning through our connection to words
(09/22/14 4:59am)
"I am the product of endless books.” If I were soulless and had the
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Record Routine: Lydia Loveless releases excellent and melancholy fourth album
(02/21/14 6:15am)
There’s a negative, knee-jerk reaction to country in certain circles of musical fandom. You know the one; the glib response of “I listen to everything but country and rap” immediately comes to mind. I can’t help but think it’s a gracious mix of regionalism and sour elitism—the term conjures images of overalls-wearing, beer-guzzling, sister-kissing bumpkins from the Deep South, crooning sultry ballads to their tractors. We refined city folk, we have more serious interests, like “House of Cards” and, I don’t know, The Wall Street Journal.
America exemplifies diversity
(02/05/14 6:19am)
The Statue of Liberty is one of the most prominent symbols of America and is inscribed with this sentence: “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door.” Other common American values include equality, freedom and the ability to make a good living for oneself with hard work. Another aspect America is surely known for is consumerism, a not-so-small part of this being the brand Coca-Cola, which has, whether we like it or not, been a most enduring part of American culture and demonstrates one of the ways we as Americans are connected. Because everyone drinks Coke, right? Screw Pepsi. (Just kidding, Pepsi is fine.)
Ask the Deer Cardinal, Madison’s advice bird
(11/21/13 5:30am)
Deer Cardinal,
Cage’s ‘Kill the Architect’ fails to be ‘killer’
(10/28/13 5:04am)
Chris Palko—stage name Cage—must appeal to someone out there. Over the course of streaming his new album Kill the Architect and looking into his previous albums, I saw plenty of fans that were hyped over the rapper’s work, praising it at every turn. Unfortunately, I’m definitely not a member of this audience—the shock-rap of Kill the Architect was a terribly boring (and sometimes confusing) experience for this listener.
Pusha-T’s ‘name’ is a sure sign of greatness
(10/09/13 5:09am)
In contrast to Sean McCann’s dazzling Music for Private Ensemble—another quintessentially 2013 release, a universe away—Pusha-T’s My Name Is My Name opens with a rolling snare. Unlike McCann’s restrained masterpiece though, it doesn’t sputter and die on “King Push”—it roars to life, fueled by Kanye West’s Yeezus-esque primordial production and Pusha’s snarling flow. The track sets the tone for the rest of the album, painting Pusha as a scowling drug kingpin reclining in his throne. He is, after all, only “missing a dash” in the “difference between [him] and Hova.”
Today, yesterday: After ten years, Outkast still hit heavy
(09/24/13 5:58am)
Disclaimer: this article was written with Monday Sept. 23 in mind, but its content is universal and timeless, so read on fearless denizens of Tuesday, Sept. 24.
An existential crisis in the frozen-foods aisle
(09/17/13 4:03am)
My biggest existential crises always strike in the aisles of the grocery store. It seems like the perfect location for a silent mental meltdown: People walking either hinderingly slow or so quickly it’s stressful, hundreds of tiny paper signs flapping in the artificial breeze of the refrigerated section begging for attention, vegetables staring at me silently asking why I haven’t eaten one since probably the last time I visited my parents. It’s both a convoluted environment and one that offers plenty of time to reflect on the nature of life whilst trying to read the smeared pen on my palm where I wrote my ultra important list of “Things I Cannot Forget!!!!” just this morning, like real adults do.
Confessions of a Badger football party pooper
(09/10/13 4:25am)
Dear student body,
Burn-outs to robots: advice Mom can trust
(04/17/13 6:25am)
Alright readers (mom and her co-workers who grin at her when she forces them to read my articles), I’ve decided to change my whole shtick of being a “comedic writer” and focus on something important: advice. As you all (all five of you, that is) know, I have given you advice on band names, gaining Twitter followers and how to oppose the communist agenda; but now it’s my full-time gig. Please send me your emails. Oh, here’s one:
The new 'Key' to igniting patriotism
(03/12/13 6:12am)
God bless the Internet. God damn the Internet. I’ll get that etched on my gravestone when I perish from a life of fast food and good music. What is the latest reason for such an attitude, you say? Well… did you know about the new White House online petition system that gives a smidgen of control back to the people in the democratic process? You might think we’re currently drowning in solutions to world hunger, ending to all foreign wars, the dependency on foreign oil… and we probably are. But again… this is the Internet, so someone started a petition to change our National Anthem to R. Kelly’s remix to “Ignition.”
U.S. relations with China damaged after Chinese hack American businesses
(03/05/13 7:14am)
People don’t like thieves. It’s no surprise, then, that Chinese-American relations have soured a bit following the recent revelation that China’s military, the People’s Liberation Army, regularly hacks American businesses. This economic espionage—which has been documented by the computer security company Mandiant and confirmed by American intelligence agencies—has the potential to exact a significant toll on the American economy.
Five tips to rock round one of midterms
(02/25/13 1:31am)
“Remember, the exam will be held a week from today in lecture. Make sure to bring a no. 2 pencil.”
Spotlight on age-old debates
(11/28/12 3:50am)
Just as many people who partook in the Pepsi Challenge back in the day to see whether they could distinguish between the world’s two foremost colas, American citizens partook in the presidential election a few weeks back to decipher between two candidates whose political views may or may not be apparent to them. Often in life, people believe that they prefer one thing to another and hold steadfast in their perspective that they know that certain thing really, really well. However, after further investigation, their prior views are often reduced to absurdity.
Fake News Friday: Weed found in Biochemistry Building
(10/26/12 3:14am)
After police arrested UW-Madison researcher Christopher Schwartz for growing between 200 and 1000 grams of marijuana in the Biochemistry Building, two students and a botany professor came to the conclusion that growing the ganj “wasn’t dope” or in other words, not as big a deal as heroin to get angry about.
Navigating 'Rack City': implications of Tyga's new ventures
(09/14/12 2:11am)
If you’re reading this column, you must possess an understanding of the glimmering piece of art that glows in the limelight of strip-clubs and on-campus apartments nationwide (and potentially worldwide). It is this minimalist megahit that involves money, a type of territory and how they flow in an effortless tangent of twerkable genius.
Proud of the skeletons in my sonic closet
(04/17/12 1:04am)
There are some songs and bands on my iPod that I won’t readily admit to. Well, in theory.
Splendid silver screen: the magic Marquee
(03/21/12 12:39am)
There are those movies that you decide to casually rent on the weekends because you have nothing else going on, and those that you say, “I need to see this on the biggest screen possible.” Thankfully, for the city of Madison, the construction of Union South has given any patron a brilliant movie theater: The Marquee.
Fist-pumping my way to romance
(02/14/12 1:01am)
My entire life has been a rotating spectrum of social ineptitude. One day I may interact with other humans perfectly normally and the next may be a smorgasbord of awkward situations. This has resulted in my ineffectual attempts (or one could say avoidance) with the romance department, leaving me perpetually single on Valentine’s Day. In the spirit of a holiday based on correctly interacting with a potential partner, here is one of my finest moments…
Fake News Friday: Biddy drunk dials Ward
(12/02/11 5:23am)
Former Chancellor Biddy Martin learned the hard way about the perils of drinking and dialing Thursday evening after leaving several embarrassing voicemails on Chancellor David Ward’s inbox.
