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The USS Maine, a warship destroyed in 1899, sparking the Spanish-American War, is being rebuilt by the US Department of War for a “humanitarian mission” off the coast of Venezuela, US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth said at a press conference earlier today.
“I am proud to announce that we are making America’s Navy great once again with the return of the USS Maine. Its first mission will be a totally peaceful humanitarian trip to Venezuela’s coast, where we hope it will not get blown up again, cause that would force us to invade Venezuela, do regime change, and take over all of their oil production which would totally suck and we’d most def hate doing," Hegseth said.
The recommissioned warship will also transport over 500 tons of TNT for an unrelated training exercise.
“I sure hope nothing bad happens to the USS Maine, or as they’d say in Venezuela, Señor Maduro, por favor, ataquen el USS Maine para darnos un pretexto para invadir su país,” Hegseth said.
The USS Maddox, known for its role in the Gulf of Tonkin Incident, will join the USS Maine on the mission, which is set for next week.
Dominic Violante is The Beet editor for The Daily Cardinal.
