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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, April 23, 2024

Hey, Morgan! I live with my boyfriend, but when we go home to his family, they won’t let us sleep in the same room. What should I do?

My answer is tunnels.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Hopefully you’re getting your degree in something like architecture, and not something useless like creative writing, because you’re going to need it. My answer is tunnels. Listen, you can argue with dear old ma and pa (or whichever other combination of parental figure titles) all you want, but it’s not going to happen. They are trying to assert their dominance over you like any good alpha would, so debate is not going to fix this problem. You have to take matters into your own hands. If they treat you like a rat, turn their home into a maze. Listen, plenty of kings had mistresses (and paramours) who needed to be snuck through the castle, and you know how they did it? With tunnels. You need to create a secret tunnel between you and your man’s room for your rendezvous. You get to be together with your lover and his parents don’t know. Everyone’s happy. Hope this helps!

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