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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Friday, April 12, 2024
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Hey, Morgan! All my friends went abroad to London this semester, and I’m super lonely. What should I do?

What does London have? Big Ben? As someone with a clock in their pocket, I am not impressed.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Well, first of all, what cultural experience is someone gaining from going to England? Sounds like an excuse to jack around for a semester in a country with a drinking age of 18. England is just proof that America is not that bad. It’s like when you have a friend who feels a little off, and then you get to meet their parents and suddenly everything makes sense. What does London have? Big Ben? As someone with a clock in their pocket, I am not impressed. Anyone who voluntarily goes to England shouldn’t be worth your precious time. Make some new friendships with sane people who stay in the lesser of two evils that America is. If you can’t find anyone, I myself am a sane person — even though many medical professionals disagree — and have not gone abroad this semester. You can find me at Memorial Union Mondays and Wednesdays from 2:20 p.m. to 3:40 p.m. trying to explode people with my mind. Hope this helps! 

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