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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Monday, December 11, 2023
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The Daily Cardinal also hid an egg on campus

Leave no building intact.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

To celebrate Easter, nondenominational Christian student org Badger Cru announced Monday that they hid an egg on campus with a $500 reward for the student who finds it. Their announcement poem makes clear finding the egg does not require digging, trespassing or destruction of campus property. 

In the spirit of the season, we at The Daily Cardinal also hid an egg on campus, but ours does require destroying campus property. We want every student to start digging up gardens, breaking into offices and smashing walls to find the egg.

Unlike Badger Cru, who will be providing hints throughout the week, we offer no help. You will have to be thorough in your search. Leave no building intact in search of this egg.

That’s a big ask for busy students. Finals are fast approaching and students are beginning to hunker down. What kind of reward is attached to our egg that makes us so confident students will drop everything to find it? 

Five hundred dollars sounds nice. It does. But what about no more tuition? That’s right, the reward for finding our egg is no more tuition payments or classes for anyone.

If there are no more buildings intact to hold lectures in — or even better, the Bursar’s Office collapses in a pile of rubble — then that will be a happy coincidence. 

So what are you waiting for? Get digging, Badgers!


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Jeffrey Brown

Jeffrey Brown is a former Arts Editor for the Daily Cardinal. He writes for The Beet occasionally and does some drawing and photography too. He is a senior majoring in Sociology. Do not feed him after midnight.


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