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Saturday, April 20, 2024
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What different celebrities have for a post-sex snack

No celebrity dieticians here

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

  1. Mark Zuckerberg: Lightly toasted white bread with a teaspoon of ketchup for a little kick
  2. Tom Cruise: Kale salad with fresh garden tomatoes and a zesty chloroform vinaigrette prepared by Scientology leader David Miscavige
  3. Elon Musk: Food coloring
  4. Ye: Two-day-old cheese stuck to the pepperoni hot pocket sleeves in Pete Davidson’s garbage can
  5. Gilbert Gottfried: A New York slice with cocktail sauce, cheese whiz and seed-in red grapes with a side of clam juice
  6. Katy Perry: The magic mushrooms consumed by her set designers sliced and put on Ritz crackers
  7. Conan O’Brien: A cookie that he slapped out of his assistant’s hand
  8. Kid Rock: Mayonnaise marked “Best by April 2020” straight from a white, manure-stained five gallon bucket (eaten with hands)
  9. Machine Gun Kelly: Megan Fox’s dehydrated menstrual blood
  10. Ben Shapiro: Brawny paper towels washed down with Colgate Total Advanced Pro-Shield Mouthwash
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Mackenzie Moore

Mackenzie is the first ever editor of The Beet and actually made of over 62% beet.


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