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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, October 03, 2023
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Students petition for more gargoyles on campus buildings

After noticing a lack of gargoyle presence on campus, students are calling for the creatures to be atop every building

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

University of Wisconsin-Madison students have recently noticed a shocking lack of gargoyles on campus buildings. It has become a priority among the undergraduates not just for gargoyles to be present on new buildings, but for them to be added to existing university buildings.

“I wasn’t really thinking about it,” said a UW-Madison junior. “But now that I realize how few gargoyles there are around, the campus feels incredibly empty.”

Some specific buildings they are targeting include the Humanities Building, Agricultural Hall and the new Chemistry Building, but they view any gargoyle on any building as a win.

“If the university doesn’t do it, we will,” remarks the student. And that appears to be the predominant sentiment among the gargoyle enthusiasts – determined, no matter the cost, to have weird stone creatures perched on every campus building.

In response to a request for a comment on the lack of gargoyles on campus, university staff said “You know too much,” then ran off.

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Jeffrey Brown

Jeffrey Brown is a former Arts Editor for the Daily Cardinal. He writes for The Beet occasionally and does some drawing and photography too. He is a senior majoring in Sociology. Do not feed him after midnight.

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