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Friday, February 23, 2024
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Joe Manchin nabs Best Actor Oscar nomination for role of ‘politician who just thinks we should hear each other out’

It’s exceedingly rare for someone who has had zero hand in any film to earn an Oscar nomination, let alone someone who is doing guerilla-style acting in their day-to-day life under their own name.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

The full list of 2022 Oscar nominees was released on Tuesday and contained few surprises, as Paul Thomas Anderson’s “Licorice Pizza” and Denis Villeneuve’s “Dune” — also known as “that time we all paid $15 and quietly sat in the dark for three hours to see Zendaya for seven minutes” — topped the list of Best Picture nominees. 

However, there was one surprise, as West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin eked out a Best Actor nomination for his role as “politician who just thinks we should hear each other out.”

It’s exceedingly rare for someone who has had zero hand in any film to earn an Oscar nomination, let alone someone who is doing guerilla-style acting in their day-to-day life under their own name. However, after pulling off memorable lines such as “I believe in health care reform” and “we shouldn’t accept mediocrity as the best a politician can do,” voting members decided that he deserved the nod. 

“This is a great honor, but I couldn’t have done it on my own,” said Manchin. “I want to give a special shout out to my partner in crime, Kyrsten Sinema. You give me the strength to act on what I already decided I very much will do.” 

The democrat does a good job of putting on the whole “let’s put political parties aside and make decisions based on the merit of ideas” act. However, Manchin’s skill could use some revision — especially as it pertains to his improv skills when explaining his actions. 

Joe “walking conflict of interest” Manchin has been quoted as saying — in reference to the nixed Build Back Better bill — that if he can’t explain a bill to West Virginians, he won’t vote for it. If the senator wants to take the next step as an actor, he should have no problem explaining a bill, as he apparently is already comfortable explaining to his constituents why they are not deserving of clean air, greater access to health care, more safe and affordable housing and lower cost childcare and higher education. 

In fairness, Manchin’s opposition to Build Back Better was partially due to the $1.7 trillion price tag. However, the 12-year senator can help chip away at this figure if he donates the $500,000 he receives annually from his family’s coal business.

There is not yet confirmation as to whether or not Senator Manchin will be attending the award show in March, but seeing that it overlaps with a vote to decide whether or not babies should be allowed to keep both of their thumbs if their parents are poor, he is expected to be present so as to avoid having to make up his mind.

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Mackenzie Moore

Mackenzie is the first ever editor of The Beet and actually made of over 62% beet.

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