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Friday, February 23, 2024
Bathroom Party - Brenna Rea

Chumbawamba's 'Tubthumping' now playing on constant loop in campus bathrooms

University officials respond to public bathroom anxiety by installing speakers to play the 1997 hit

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

After over a year of online classes taken in the privacy of one’s own home, University of Wisconsin-Madison students have had to readjust to using public bathrooms — an intimidating task for the shy poopers among us. A semester later, university officials responded to student concerns by installing speakers to play “Tubthumping,” Chumbawamba’s 1997 hit, in all campus bathrooms.

The new addition is intended to ease the anxieties of those who feel uneasy letting the unholiest of their demons out while sitting pantsless next to their fellow students. While the music may or may not be enough to cover the sounds and smells of last night’s Chipotle, it has not been an issue yet, as it fits the vibe of the song. 

Aside from the benefits the song gives to those trying to use the bathroom on the down-low, it is also helping to make a case for UW-Madison’s return to the number one party school in the nation. 

Taking the lyrics to heart, many have begun filling their backpacks with whiskey, vodka, lager and cider to imbibe on while visiting the restroom. Early attendance numbers indicate that some have begun to skip classes in order to visit what are increasingly considered the hottest clubs on campus. However, there has been an increase in people stumbling into whatever classrooms are near the bathroom they were just in, taking incoherent notes and calling it good. 

Put in the same situation, other universities would likely remove the song in order to put an end to what some may consider deviant behavior. Thus far, UW-Madison has adopted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” style policy. This may be partially contributed by Wisconsin’s drinking culture, but more importantly, removing the 1998 Brit Award nominee from bathrooms wouldn’t do much good. After all, if Chumbawamba is knocked down, it will get up again — the university will never keep it down. 

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Mackenzie Moore

Mackenzie is the first ever editor of The Beet and actually made of over 62% beet.


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