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Friday, May 27, 2022
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UWPD says outrage misguided since thousands spent on crowd-control weapons actually way less than they wanted to spend

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This week, UWPD made public expense records that revealed the department spent thousands on various crowd control weapons, such as handguns and pepper spray canisters, amid racial justice protests this summer. Many condemned the department for using university funds on such weapons, however, UWPD says the criticism is unwarranted.

“You should have seen what we wanted to spend,” said UWPD spokesperson Marc Lovicott. “In my opinion, people ought to give us credit for what I feel was actually a great deal of restraint. Besides, we’re good boys. We don’t deserve this.”

Krystal Walker is a sophomore at UW-Madison and supports UWPD’s position.

“Like there was this time when my dad caught me with a bunch of weed, and I totally got in huge trouble for it,” explained Walker. “But I was like, Dad, ‘I was originally gonna buy a bunch of cocaine from my boyfriend’s cousin’s girlfriend, but then I actually made a good decision and bought weed instead, so I don’t know why I’m in trouble.’ So I guess I’m trying to say that I empathize with UWPD on this one.”

Lovicott continued, adding that something critics of the department’s crowd control expenses might overlook is the concept of POMO, or ‘Police FOMO’. “POMO is something that impacts our jobs every day. In this instance, MPD spent over 10 thousand dollars more than we did on crowd-control weapons. And these are big, cool toys that go boom. I just don’t think UWPD should be punished for taking part in a fraction of the fun.”

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