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Sunday, May 09, 2021
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In lieu of canceled presidential debate, Fox News to just air ninety minutes of Trump screaming at a Mr. Potato Head

All articles featured in Almanac are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

The Presidential Debate Commission has canceled the second debate, initially set to be held on Oct. 16, in order to curb the spread of the coronavirus after Trump yielded a positive test. A virtual debate was suggested to both the candidates, however, Trump declined because of some bullshit his team made up — I don’t even know.

Given that there will be no debate on Friday, Fox News has decided to just air ninety straight minutes of Trump screaming at a Mr. Potato Head.

“We felt that this format would give Trump the opportunity to share the same information in the same tone of voice that he would have delivered to the American people in a presidential debate,” said Francine Walker, Fox News’ Director of Hating Immigrant Babies Per God Almighty and Assistant Programing Coordinator. “The best thing about it I think is that Trump can finally get a word in. He won’t have to contend with that damn Chris Wallace this time around.”

When asked why Fox News chose a Mr. Potato Head as the subject to bear Trump’s verbal thrashing, Francine Walker said it was an appeal to Idaho voters.

Among several topics Trump plans to touch on in this solo debate format, a spokesperson for the president said he is eager to address all the medical jobs he created by getting coronavirus, that Amy Coney Barrett should definitely be appointed to his dick and to finally reveal who Q is.

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