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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, May 26, 2022
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Simpson's Power Ranger stance.

Stubborn, obsessive child insists on being the goddamn blue power ranger for the third Halloween in a row

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Last Halloween, as well as the Halloween prior, 7-year-old Gordan Simpson dressed up as the blue Power Ranger for Halloween. This is no surprise given that Simpson is a big Power Rangers fan, obsessive some might say. Simpson owns 19 different Power Rangers action figures, has power ranger posters in his room and even has a power rangers school backpack. In fact, Simpson can even be found from time to time to be fake fighting with his friends as he pretends to be a Power Ranger.

It has been reported that Simpson was first introduced to Power Rangers a couple years ago after he saw an episode of the TV series. He then started binging the Power Rangers TV shows and began to dedicate his life to becoming a Power Rangers superfan. The blue Power Ranger is his favorite.

All this being the case, it was a natural decision for Simpson, then age five, to dress up as a Power Ranger for Halloween – not last year but the year before. That said, his decision to repeat the blue Power Ranger costume the following year was more questionable, however still acceptable given the magnitude of Simpson’s affinity for Power Rangers.

Now that we have word of Simpson’s decision to repeat the costume for a third year, however, it is starting to seem as if his costume choice is less out of dedication to his Power Ranger fandom, but rather out of laziness and/or a lack of creativity.

“Look, I think he’s really cute in his costume, and I don’t see anything wrong with letting a 7-year-old dress up as whatever he wants for Halloween,” said Simpson’s mother. 

Unfortunately, it is clear that Mrs. Simpson misses the point and is blinded by her own bias toward loving her son. When asked if she considered taking her son to the doctor to be tested for a number of Power-Ranger-related medical conditions, Mrs. Simpson declined to comment.

In an interview with Gordon Simpson himself, Simpson merely replied, “go go Power Rangers!” He then proceeded to do what he called his “Power Ranger” stance. There is clearly little reason to believe Simpson’s Power Ranger obsession will subside any time soon.

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