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Smartass wants everyone to know he's confused why The Daily Cardinal is only published once per week

Smart-ass wants everyone to know he’s confused why the Daily Cardinal is only published once per week. Image By: Graphic by Haley Bills

This past Tuesday, Abraham Hodge, a student at UW-Madison, was walking into Memorial Union when he caught a glimpse of a copy of The Daily Cardinal, the most awesome student-run newspaper. Realizing that The Daily Cardinal was both totally tubular and exquisite, Hodge obviously decided to pick up a copy and have a read, as he does every week when each print issue is published.

But in exercising this staple of his weekly routine, Hodge began to think to himself, “Wait a second, it’s kind of silly that the newspaper is called The Daily Cardinal when each print issue is only published once per week.”

Following the discovery of this apparent irony, Hodge walked home thinking that this would be a funny thing to complain about to his roommates. “Look, all I’m saying,” Hodge professed, “is that it shouldn’t be called The Daily Cardinal when it is only published once per week. It should really be called The Weekly Cardinal, don’t you think?”

Hodge’s comedic rant did receive some chuckles from his audience, but it was, unfortunately, underwhelming — at least compared to Hodge’s high expectations. “Isn’t that a good point?” Hodge continued. “Yeah, no, it’s cool man,” his roommate, Brady, replied. “Good joke, dude.”

Hodge gave Brady a nice thumbs up, but left the room disappointed. From that moment, Hodge swore that he would get a bigger chuckle from someone. He had to get a fitting response, one in equal proportion to the funniness of the joke, which was quite colossal.

The next day in his chemistry lab, Hodge leaned over to his lab partner and entered into his routine. “Look, all I’m saying,” Hodge began, “is that it shouldn’t be called The Daily Cardinal when it is only published once per week. It should really be called The Weekly Cardinal, don’t you think?” His lab partner Karen, smiled and gave a slight giggle. “Really? That’s it?” uttered a frustrated Hodge. 

He tried reciting his joke again on his way home from class when he was stopped at a light. “What the hell is The Daily Cardinal?” the random woman on the street replied.

After a week of this, we had not gotten word on whether or not Hodge had gotten an appropriate laugh, so we sent an Almanac reporter to investigate. In an interview with our team, Hodge said, “Look, all I’m saying is that it shouldn’t be called The Daily Cardinal when it is only published once per week. It should really be called The Weekly Cardinal, don’t you think?”

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