Whispering Sweet Nothings

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

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Metro passengers relieved public masturbator grower, not shower

Drake White-Bergey Bascom Hall Hill Spring.JPG

Campus demands hazing for 2023 freshmen honors class

Hey Morgan! I’ve been seeing this guy for a while and he just asked to be exclusive. I really like him. The only problem is he doesn’t have a job and doesn’t really go to class that much. What should I do?

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