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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Friday, June 24, 2022

Almanac Presents: Misheard Movie Quotes

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

1. “Why so Syrian?”

-Trump advisor

2. “They may take our wives, but then we’ll have our freedom.”

-Repressed Scottish husband

3. “I will grind you, and I will grill you.”

-Excited chef

4. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the terrorist in the mall?”

-Proactive security guard

5. “We’re gonna need a bigger goat.”

-Farmer

6. “Dead-ass done chose poorly.”

-Dude who picked wrong Holy Grail

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7. “Go ahead, pull my sleigh.”

-Santa

8. “Beat me up, Scotty.”

-BDSM astronaut

9. “Follow the yellow South American poison toad.”

-Amazonian tour guide

10. “Just keep swimming.”

-Climate refugees

11. “If you build it, they won’t come in.”

-Donald Trump 

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