Skip to Content, Navigation, or Footer.
The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Top nine things you can do to repay your debt to Harambe the great:

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

1. Actually visit Cleveland, Ohio

2. Spit on your local zookeeper

3. Put your child in the nearest pit to honor Harambe

4. Slowly evolve back into a gorilla

5. At 12:07 stand 42 degrees away 

from the sun and shed one tear

6. Try adding kale to your favorite soup

Enjoy what you're reading? Get content from The Daily Cardinal delivered to your inbox

7. Kiss your nearest gorilla

8. Leave the EU

9. Prove Bush did it

Support your local paper
Donate Today
The Daily Cardinal has been covering the University and Madison community since 1892. Please consider giving today.

Powered by SNworks Solutions by The State News
All Content © 2023 The Daily Cardinal