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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Trump pre-orders Iron Throne replica in anticipation of winning election

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

The conventions for the Democratic and Republican parties are just around the corner, and the general election season is heating up. Early polls show that Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a close race, with the former having a slight advantage. Mr. Trump, however, seems to to be certain of victory. In an interesting new development, there are allegations that the billionaire has spent a large amount of campaign funds to purchase an intricate replica of the Iron Throne, the chair of power in the fantasy series “Game of Thrones.”

“Game of Thrones” is a television series based on books by George R. R. Martin that follows various characters’ struggle for control of the fictional Seven Kingdoms. The fictional setting resembles the Middle Ages and features kings, lords and knights, as well as a massive throne wrought from hundreds of swords, from which the king rules the seven kingdoms.

When a low-level campaign worker was asked about the purchase, the man grinned and said that Mr. Trump was so certain of victory in November that he was already thinking about possible décor for the Oval Office. He was quoted saying, “I think this will be a great addition to the White House, as [Donald Trump] will need a chair from which to survey his realm.” The interviewed worker was fired three days later.

The Trump campaign has since denied the purchase of such a chair, and reassured the public that fundraised money is only being spent on advertisements attacking Hillary Clinton, and of course maintaining Mr. Trump’s luxury golf courses.

An influential Miami-based metalworker named Gendry Michealson came forward and spoke of numerous calls with Mr. Trump in which the presidential candidate requested an extremely realistic representation of the throne. While he rejected the request due to possible trademark violations, Michealson recalls that Mr. Trump seemed to be a sincere fan of the hit HBO show, and repeatedly expressed his admiration for the fictional tyrant character Tywin Lannister, supposedly saying, “Now there is a guy that should be in charge. Lots of gold and total disregard for how he is viewed across the kingdom: That has shown to be a killer combination.”

At press time, Trump was developing plans to mimick his wall across the southern border after the massive ice wall found in the show, reportedly saying, “If it can keep out an army of zombies, it can keep out the Mexicans.

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