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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Saturday, July 31, 2021
There are many reasons the thing this man is doing is not the same as sex.

There are many reasons the thing this man is doing is not the same as sex.

Top 11 Reasons Sex is Not Like Baseball

All articles featured in Almanac are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

1. Penises are not quite the same as baseball bats.

2. People might get upset if you try to eat peanuts during sex. 

3. There are no standardized breaks in sex to sing and/or stretch.

4. People don’t find bizarre, flailing hand gestures very useful during sex.  

5. In sex, bystanders have no interest in your foul balls.  

6. Helmets do not offer the correct kind of protection for sex.

7. Stadiums of people don’t cheer for sex, which is really too bad.

8. In sex, positions are not assigned ahead of time. 

9. There are no racist logos associated with sex. 

10. In sex, you won’t be replaced by a reliever if you do a bad job. 

11. Sex is rarely called “America’s favorite pastime,” but it very well might be.

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