For as long as humans have had mouths and genitals they have been experimenting with what happens when those two incredible zones meet each other. That said, oral sex is not always as simple as combining body parts.
This week, Between the Sheets is here with some tips and tricks to make going down sexy fun for everyone from starting conversations to orgasmic endings.
Key terms before we jump in:
Vulva: The outer genitalia on female-bodied folks, often incorrectly referred to as ‘vagina’--the vagina starts at the vaginal opening and extends up into the body.
Penis: The goodies male-bodied folks have dangling between their legs.
Perineum: The sensitive skin connecting a penis or vulva to the anus (gouche, taint,
ABC-Ass Ball Connection)
Cunnilingus: technical term for oral sex on a vulva (going down, eating out, etc.)
Fellatio: technical term for oral sex on a penis (blow job [beej], giving head, etc.)
No matter what equipment we’re packing in our pants, we should ask for oral sex like we’re asking our partner to make a delectable dessert with us; this way both people get to decide what will be included in the yummy treat, and it will be enjoyable for everyone.
This type of propositioning might sound like, “Hey boo, it would be so sexy if you would (insert oral sex act here). Is that something you would like to do with me?” This way our partner goes into the situation with a sexy mindset while also knowing they can call it quits at any time.
As the asker, it’s also important to keep in mind that reciprocating is only kind, especially if it’s the first time our mouths are meeting a partner’s goodies. We should always be willing to at least offer to return the favor if we’re asking our partner to go down on us.
Offering oftentimes feels much easier than asking, but we should remember to only offer because we want to, not because we think we have to do it to please a partner.
But, Anna, what if I never really want to do it but I feel like I have to do it to satisfy my bed buddy? To be clear, we should never ever do something we truly do not want to do. But, if it’s in the “it’s not my favorite, but I’m willing to do it for a while because I enjoy pleasing my hunny” category, we can think of it as a special treat.
And who knows, maybe after a couple of rounds of going down we’ll discover how fun it can be to learn all the tricks and licks that make our hunnies melt.
Diving down to pleasure town:
There are countless ways to give great oral sex, and the best advice is always to communicate with our partners to know what they like. We should never forget that our brains are our most powerful sexual organs.
When it comes to oral stimulation, the steps to making our sweeties swoon come from the same basic principles, no matter what shape or form their nether regions take.
Center in on the sweet spot:
On a vulva: clitorises are for cumming. For a full on fangirl rant, read this previous article and get clitorate. Basically, the clitoris is where the magic happens. It’s not the tiny bean many of us were cruelly tricked into believing it to be, but it is in fact quite similar in size and structure to a penis.
While only the glans (the bean-looking part) is visible from the outside, there is a whole world of clitoral tissue lying beneath the labia. This is great news because even if it doesn’t seem like the clitoris is being directly stimulated, it’s oftentimes still getting some action from beneath the labia.
On a penis: find the frenulum. The frenulum is a thin bridge of skin on the underside of a peen connecting the foreskin to the shaft. This tissue is the most sensitive part of a penis and generally responds well to gentle, smooth stimulation. For circumcised folks, the frenulum can sometimes be altered or removed altogether.
Friends without frenulums need not fret, the head of the penis is also extremely sensitive and oral sex can and will still be sploosh-worthy.
Use your digits:
On a vulva: While a tongue is certainly capable of delivering cum-worthy cunnilingus all on its own, slipping some fingers (how ever many a partner prefers) inside while working wonders with the tongue on the outside can create a truly magnificent sensation.
If we see a sex pal is getting really turned on we should not interpret this as a cue to go faster or harder without verbal confirmation. Oftentimes this actually stalls progress because we switched up something that was working for them.
Keep in mind that our genitals have the most nerve endings of anywhere on our bodies, meaning we don’t always need super hard or quick motions to make them feel really, really good. It’s easy to get worked up and apply too much pressure. Remember, we’re pleasuring a partner, not digging for change.
That being said, everyone’s bodies are different and react differently to types of touch. If a partner asks for firmer or faster stimulation, go for it!
On a penis: The best blow jobs are mostly handjobs. Meaning one does not need to deepthroat a dick to achieve first-class fellatio. Sliding the fingers and hands up and down the shaft while stimulating the head with the mouth and tongue is a great starting place.
Making sure to have enough moisture is key. Too much friction can be painful, but it’s easy to avoid by using lube—flavored or not flavored, depending on preference—or good ol’ saliva.
Just like stimulating a vulva, the only way to know for sure what a person finds most pleasurable is to ask them. If partners don’t like to give verbal directions while in the middle of things, we can try asking them about their preferences beforehand.
Getting feedback afterwards can also be quite helpful. This might sound like “I noticed you started breathing heavier when I (insert action here), is that something you like?”
Take time to explore:
We can create an amazing range of sensations with our tongues. We should test out what works for our sweety by alternating between flat, licking motions then switching to pointed-tongue circular swirls, and so forth.
Like most good things in life, giving great oral sex can be tiring. For friends fooling around with fellatio, we can give our jaws a rest by exploring the inner thighs, shaft, balls and perineum. Be sure to treat the balls and perineum delicately because they can be extremely sensitive.
For cuties serving up some sweet cunnilingus, use breaks to give some attention to the inner thighs or perineum. Warm or cool breath on these areas can create amazing sensations, especially when the skin is aroused and in a highly sensitive state.
Switching up sensations is super fun, but once we find a crowd pleaser we should stick with it. If orgasm is the end goal, repetition is our friend. Identify what works and keep doing it.
Backtracking for just a moment, when it comes to blow jobs we have to make a very important choice: spit, swallow or towel, before we dive into our partner’s downstairs.
Not everyone likes swallowing the warm gooeyness that is ejaculate, and that’s a-okay! We should be sure to address it before our partner is on the edge of glory so as to avoid rash decisions.
Both semen and vaginal secretions taste better for our partners when we drink lots of water and eat foods with natural sugars in them; pineapple is always a great choice. Habits like smoking and drinking alcohol or coffee dehydrate our bodies and can create bitter and less yummy cum.
Adding flavored lube, flavored condoms, or a dental dam is also a great way to sweeten up getting down.
Sometimes even the most valiant efforts don’t lead to an orgasm, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of for either partner. Transitioning into another activity can be a nice segue if either partner grows weary.
As givers, we should try to keep the focus on making our partners feel good—orgasm or no orgasm. As receivers, it can be frustrating to come close to finishing but never quite get there. We should remember to tell our partners how appreciative we are of their efforts no matter what.
Mmm whatcha say?
When chatting with partners, pose oral as a sexy and fun adventure, not a weird request for something shameful. Sex is a two-way (or multi-way) street. If we’re willing to receive, we should be willing to give, it’s only kind. Find the sweet spot and treat it nicely by switching up sensations until something starts to really work. Keep it going until they start cumming. It’s okay if orgasms aren’t on the menu. Take spelunking breaks, it might even make things all the steamier.
Got a burning question about oral exploration that didn’t get covered? Email Anna with your quandaries at firstname.lastname@example.org