Proactive slacker already not studying for finals

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This semester, UW junior and semi-professional slacker Frank Booti is going all the way, renouncing all forms of schoolwork and committing to keeping his books shut for the full six weeks before final exams. Booti hopes to gain notoriety as UW’s premier non-doer of things.

“I began not studying for finals a little too late last semester, and I wound up passing some of my classes,” says Booti. “I was really disappointed in myself, but this time it will be different.”

In preparation for his lack of studying, Booti has purchased brand new pajamas, a giant beanbag, a PS4 with “Call of Duty: Black Ops 3,” a 50-inch 4K ultra HDTV, a personal keg of beer and is currently looking for a good weed guy. “Last time I smoked schwag I got a B. Gotta watch out for that,” says Booti.

In a time when many slackers are succumbing to the allure of success, Booti’s dedication has brought new hope to many. “He’s an inspiration,” claims novice slacker Jeena Thomson. “The way he sits on that beanbag, firmly planted without shifting around. He’s a dream.”

“It’s all about finding your core,” advises Booti, “and avoiding your power animal. I am an amoeba.”

Finals will take place at the end of the semester, just before winter break.

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