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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, March 28, 2024
Hillary wins voters with fresh ideas and wonderful baked goods.

Clinton wows crowd with warm, delicious shortbread cookies

Immediately following her speech in Iowa last Saturday, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton personally handed out hundreds of homemade shortbread cookies. To compensate for her campaign’s recent struggles in the polls, Clinton has started placing a premium on spontaneity and kindness along the campaign trail. Each cookie came with a personalized note and a very pleasant-looking red-and-white bow.

Pundits have been analyzing the finer points of this campaign move nonstop since Saturday, and the common consensus is that, not only were the cookies baked by Mrs. Clinton herself, but they were made from the generations-old Rodham-family recipe famous for its generous portion of pecans and slight hint of vanilla. “Best cookie I’ve had in a long while,” one man mused, while another interjected “I don’t know who that lady is, but she’s got my vote!”

Clinton’s campaign manager, Robby Mook, addressed the press after Clinton’s speech, fielding many questions about the legitimacy of Clinton’s baked goods. Already under fire about her use of a non-government email server, another controversy regarding the Secretary of State’s honesty and openness could have grave results. Mook, however, maintained that each and every cookie was personally baked by Hillary within 24 hours of the event. Though some reporters demanded video evidence of Mrs. Clinton’s cookie production, the campaign has yet to release any further information to prove that she did indeed bake these cookies herself.

The true influence of Hillary’s shortbread-related publicity stunt will not be fully received until polls are released later next week. If the personal touch and familiar scent of shortbread cookies bodes well for her campaign, Hillary may have found the public-opinion boost she needs to catapult herself to the next level of presidential candidacy. If not, it will simply be remembered as “that one time Hillary made some tasty cookies for people in Iowa.”

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