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Friday, March 29, 2024
walker

Doesn’t Gov. Scott Walker look cunning in this classic lacy cape?

 

An homage to capes and their unique place in history's closet

Capes: Should they be worn? What the hell kind of introductory question is that, you might ask? Let me explain.

This little rumination on fashion had its genesis in a (brief) discussion of Samuel Beckett among friends. To wit: What would Lil’ Sammy B look like a cape? Terrifying to be sure, the man’s already an Irish bogeyman, hewn from some horrible marble culled from the hateful bowels of geology. But throw on a cape? Fuck me.

This thought was abetted by a short discussion of Soused by Scott Walker (the good one) and Sun O)), wherein I followed the thread and pondered how Walker would look in a cape. Like a nightmarish impresario, I might add, cracking a whip through the murkily nacreous drone of Sun O))’s guitars. It’s best not to think too much about it. The image still keeps me up at night.

These little oneiric horrors flashed brightly before my eyes, but were quickly adumbrated by more pressing matters. These visions, nonetheless, lingered incipiently until they came in contact with memories of a certain childhood video game, only recently rediscovered. I played a bit of “Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage,” this weekend with a few friends, and seeing Ripto (that annoying little dinosaur) trotting around in his villainous cape and finery dredged up the fine filament of my fancy, keenly argent and unbreakable.

When I speak of cape, I don’t speak merely of capes as they’re used today. Indeed, foreign police and military forces still use capes in some of their uniforms. Scottish bagpipers will wear Inverness capes as they lovingly cajole the howl of untold centuries from their inflated instruments. Clergy look (frankly) badass when they trot out their ferraiolos, putting our secular, laymen sense of appearance to shame. In some quarters the cape has never gone out of style.

But think of the past! In the past, capes were far more common. Kings wore capes. Women at the opera wore capes. Edwardian men dressed to the nines with stovepipe hats, cravats and monocles wore capes. And don’t forget James Brown. James Brown wore a cape and he rocked it better than all of us.

And we mustn’t forget superheroes. And supervillains. Especially them. You want a vision of an archetypal villain? You could suffice with an alternate universe goatee, or a sinisterly twirled moustache. You could even get by with thunder and lightning cracking every time the villain laughs. But throw on a cape? Pure evil, right there.

Now, I could go into the practical purposes of wearing a cape, bring up the aforementioned instances where they’ve found homes as utilitarian add-ons and fashion statements. But I’m not here to justify the use of capes. Hell no! Capes are, on the whole, superfluous and ostentatious. Remember Edna Mode’s admonition in “The Incredibles:” “No capes!” All it leads to is comically appropriate death.

And that’s why we need capes. Not for the death bit, but the first part: ostentation, superfluity and all. More so than any other human accessory, capes are emblematic of human limits. Because who in their right mind decided one day, “Yeah, I’ll look hella sweet if I tape this length of cloth to my shoulders?” Blissful, slouching humanity did, aspiring to reach outside itself. The cape is a fine start toward transcendence. It’s certainly a better accessory than scarf gloves or a chaperon with accompanying liripipe.

Are you an advocate of capes? Or the humble liripipe? Send Sean your views on fashion at sreichard@wisc.edu.

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