In what many are calling a complete public relations disaster, Magnus Lothar, dean of Warriors, explicitly denied the existence of a ‘Pillage Culture’ at Viking University during a press conference Monday.
“Pillaging may occasionally occur at this university, but no more frequently than on any other campus in our realm,” Lothar told reporters, pounding a massive hammer into his fist for emphasis. “Furthermore, pillaging is not permitted or encouraged at this institution by longstanding Viking tradition. Pillage Culture simply does not exist at this university.”
The Viking University administration sounded the ram’s horn to call together a press conference of their own mere hours after Lothar’s statements were made.
“We want to make clear that Dean Lothar is alone in his thinking,” Chancellor Svan Ragnar said. “The administration not only acknowledges the existence of Pillage Culture on campus, but also believes that it poses a monumental problem to Viking students and must be dealt with immediately.”
Pillage prevention groups across campus have called for Lothar’s head, literally.
“We want it lopped off and put on a spike,” said Hjort Ludin, president of The Pillage Prevention Coalition. “Let him express his views in Helheim. By denying Pillage Culture’s very existence, he contributes directly to its perpetuation.”
At press time, Lothar claimed his statements “should not be taken seriously,” as he made them only hours after indulging in a grand feast, one that included “extensive merrymaking and copious amounts of mead.”
