As I mentioned last week, Sex Out Loud brought adult film star James Deen as their keynote speaker for Sexual Health Fest. The event was hugely successful, drawing over 700 people, many of whom packed the hallways just to hear Deen speak.
Aside from his stance on condoms—use them!—and comprehensive sex education—a must—Deen provided the audience with a motto to live by:
“Handjobs are totally cool and always appropriate.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. However, the notion of handjob acceptability seems controversial among our peers. Many say, “Why give a handjob when the person could just do it themselves?” Others attest, “I know myself better than my partner, so it’s more efficient to wack myself off.” All I have to say is, whaaa?
While each person is entitled to their own opinion, it’s mine that handjobs are a safer, more efficient way of getting someone off who we’re just getting to know. Maybe we haven’t discussed our STI history and status yet but we’ve gotten hot and heavy. Utilize those old h.j. skills and we’re good to go.
How can we make the experience (at least) as fun for our partners as it would be if they were alone? Many ways, of course!
Just the presence of another person, and the feeling of that person’s hand on your dong, can be very exciting. By simply being in a close enough vicinity to touch, we’ve fought half the battle.
Secondly, lube. Lube, lube and more lube. What do our mouths do that our hands do not? Self-lubricate! Vaginas self-lubricate, too, and although anuses do not, we also employ lubrication when we enter that orifice. Doing the same with our hands can make it easier on the giver and receiver, and can allow us to dip further into our bag of tricks.
Once we’re all lubed up, we can get the rhythem going by setting a steady pace. Moving one or two hands up and down the shaft of a penis can create exciting stimulation. To bring it to the next level, try continuing that motion with one hand while cupping or massaging the balls in the other hand. With our partner’s consent, we can reach further back and stroke the perineum (taint, gooche, etc.) or butt hole for additional pleasure.
Other tips include the self-explanatory “mid-shaft-hand-twist,” wherein we twist our hand in clockwise or counterclockwise direction each time we reach the mid-shaft area. Furthermore, caressing the head of the penis, either by drawing the foreskin up or using our hands around the glans, can make such a sensitive spot feel very sweet indeed.
As with any sexual activity, it never hurts to vary speed and amount of pressure to our partner’s content. However, once a person says, “I’m close,” varying style could deter orgasm, so we should avoid changing it up too much unless we want to keep going.
Another trick to employ is edging. Edging is a technique in which we bring our partner to the “edge”—close to orgasm—and then stop before they come. When they are finally brought over the “edge,” the orgasm will be so intense, they might let out a little yelp in pleasure.
Remember, handies can be a great way to see our partner’s O-face without coming into contact with fluids we’re not yet ready to share, or mix it up if we’re ready to get out of our everyday routine. We should also keep in mind that if our partner finishes us off or pleasures us at all, it’s always courteous to return the favor!
The bird is the word on sexual health, so ask her something! Email sex@dailycardinal.com for the inside scoop.
