Dear Alex,
One of my straight girl friends recently told me that she wanted to have her first “girl kiss.” She said she didn’t want to do it for sexual pleasure, but that it’s just a “girl thing.” Can you shed some light on what this is all about?
Thanks!
I believe that we’ve all encountered the phenomenon, whether in some crappy “horror” movie featuring hotties Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried or at some drunken party.
Straight women make out with other straight women for a myriad of reasons. First things first, they might not be as straight as they thought they were. If a person is predominantly interested in the opposite gender, they can still be curious about or attracted to people of their own gender.
Other girls make out with girls at bars and parties simply for attention. For whatever reason, many of us are turned on by watching two ladies make out. It could be simple addition: If one woman is hot, two women are hotter. It could also be the taboo of two ladies going at it that makes us drool.
Finally, making out is H-O-T hot. It can be super sexy to watch two people exaggerate their lip lust for the pleasure of on-lookers. I’m not talking about real-life couples rudely making out in public; I’m talking about the people who get tipsy and “perform” kisses for the crowd (or for free beer, if UW-Madison Confessions is anything to go by).
Is this phenomenon problematic? The jury is still out. Some claim that the fierce females who engage in such activities are just having harmless fun while others think they’re extremely obnoxious. However, the actions of these “social lesbians” can be problematic for the way the world perceives female-bodied people who are actually attracted to other women.
Additionally, while it’s socially acceptable for two ladies to hook up in public, two straight guys would rarely if ever make out, and they certainly wouldn’t get free drinks by doing so. This allows for the continuation of a stigma against queer-identifying men. And we don’t want that!
Finally, when straight women engage in faux-sexual behavior for attention or free drinks or simply for drunken fun, their actions can trivialize the sexual activity of queer-identifying women.
It’s perfectly fine for people to seek the attention they desire by using their bodies, but it becomes problematic when actions become trends and create stereotypes, which can demean other people’s sexuality.
When a large enough minority of straight women make out with each other in public, no matter the reason, it becomes socially acceptable, maybe even expected. However, the straight people who get jiggy with people of their own gender can make queer-identifying people feel like their preferred sexual activity is a sport for watching. Not cool, brah.
Along those lines, many heterosexual couples have discussions centering on a question that goes: “If I make out with [someone of own gender], is it cheating?” Each couple is different, however it also disenfranchises lesbian- and bisexual-identifying people.
If our partner is bisexual, it would certainly be cheating if they were to make out with someone of their own gender. However, if our straight partner is only doing it “for fun” at the bars, it becomes a judgment call. To each their own, but I think it’s silly and kind of rude. Public kisses are always somewhat inappropriate, but these may be just a bit more annoying because of their motives.
Have a question for the Birdie? Email Alex at sex@dailycardinal.com for all of the juiciest answers!
