What’s your favorite way to share romance with your boo during the most romantic day of the year? Many enjoy cuddling, slow lovemaking and passionate words shared under the covers. But for those of you looking to mix it up and bond closely with your babe on V-Day, consider expanding your sexual boundaries, lubing up and getting some ass.
The preparation process for anal is an intimate activity and can help you and your darling improve your communication skills. During the entire process, it’s important for both people to let their partner know exactly what they’re feeling to avoid any pain on either end. Although having a phallic entity up your butt (and around the corner) can cause some discomfort, it should never be painful. Speak up, there are always ways to prepare further, or stop completely if you aren’t into it.
Many participants worry about poop during anal sex, but there’s an easy way to avoid that shit-show. As long as we’re not letting anyone penetrate or lick our assholes when we have the “gotta go” feeling, we will remain poop free. Wiping and showering regularly will make for a dooty-—free experience.
We are almost ready to begin, but first, an anatomy lesson: the anus has two sphincters—one on the outside (i.e. the asshole), and one on the inside. While the external anal sphincter can be controlled consciously, the internal one cannot. That means no matter how hard we try to “relax,” the internal sphincter will have to make that decision on its own. This, my friends, is why we cannot shove a penis, dildo, or even a cucumber into our butts without first warming up.
Now we’re ready to prepare! Most important to remember is that the anus is not self-lubricating, so keep in mind; the wetter the sex, the better the sex. Once you think you have too much lube, add more lube. Silicone lubes last longer than their water-based counterparts and are safe to use with most condoms. Flavored lubes should be avoided as the glycerin that makes them tasty also grows yeast in dark, warm cavities.
Use your butt-safe lube to begin massaging the area, including the hole itself and the perineum/taint. Once the receptive partner feels more relaxed, begin to insert fingers. Start with just one and work your way up to two, then maybe three.
After the partner being entered feels sufficiently prepared, add some more lube and initiate penetration slowly. The best positions to begin with are receptive-on-top so that the penetrated partner has control of the depth and speed of insertion. Start out slowly and increase speed as you and your partner become more comfortable and confident in your anal skills.
Why try anal, you ask? The great thing about the bum is that it’s full of the same delightful nerve endings as the vagina and penis, and is super enjoyable for both female and male buttholes.
In female bodies, anal sex can arouse some pelvic nerve endings unreachable through vaginal penetration. Along with clitoral stimulation, anal penetration can lead to incredibly strong orgasms, as the butthole participates as much as the vagina in pulsating an orgasm through a woman.
The prostate lives in every manhole and creates the fluid that accompanies the spermies, making it a very sensitive gland. Many male-bodied people claim to have involuntarily shouted while experiencing their first orgasm brought on by prostate stimulation. How yummy.
Interestingly enough, studies show that of the women who use sex toys, a majority use them on their male partners as well. A term coined by Dan Savage, “pegging,” describes a woman penetrating her male partner with a strap-on dildo, and the popularity of this act has boomed in recent years.
However, it is important to remember that not all anal play has to lead to penile or dildo penetration. Other fun options include using a butt plug to simultaneously increase the tightness of the vaginal canal while increasing G-spot stimulation through the angle of penetration. Another fun toy to try is a set of anal beads, which are marble-shaped balls connected by a sturdy string that can be put into and pulled out of the anus to enhance orgasm. These toys all require as much lube as other anal play—stock up at Sex Out Loud’s office in the SAC! Haha, lube in the SAC.
Sounds like a lot of… HOOPLA. (A SpongeBob reference during an anal sex article. Who is this girl?) Sounds like a lot of work, I know, but all of the work does pay off in the end. It can be an intimate event with an abundance of encouraging and loving words shared, or it can be an animalistic occasion for hard fucking. Communication and consent are key either way, so be sure you are on the same page as your partner in all cases.
Anal sex isn’t for everyone, but for people who love it, it can become part of the daily routine, a sometimes treat or a marker for special occasions. Which brings us back to Valentine’s Day. Get laid, Badger babes. And consider trying it in the butt.
Let Alex know how you got some A on V-Day or ask her a question by emailing sex@dailycardinal.com.
