Following feminist Jaclyn Friedman’s visit to UW-Madison, a vagina made it’s way to campus, and has yet to leave. The vagina, which police reported seeing on State St. at 11 p.m. Wednesday window-shopping outside ReThreads, allegedly purchased three Appletinis at The Icon.
The following morning, students in a mechanical engineering class reportedly barricaded their classroom in Engineering Hall when the vagina attempted to enter. Ben DiTullio, a junior in the class, said it was one of the “more horrifying things he had seen at Madison.”
Four other male students admitted they went straight to UHS counseling after the incident because while they were afraid, it also gave them “funny sensations” they did not know how to handle.
The vagina then proceeded to purchase $864 in clothing from Pitaya on East Campus Mall before attending Sex Out Loud’s “Yoga for Pleasure” class. Coin Avages, the leader of the yoga class, commemorated the vagina for it’s flexibility, and said it outperformed many others.
State Sen. Glenn Grothman, R-West Bend, was seen fleeing his Capitol office after the vagina allegedly tried reading him poetry by Maya Angelou.
After briefly stopping by A Room Of One’s Own with state Rep. Kelda Helen Roys, D-Madison, the two got brunch at Sunroom Café where Roys reportedly said she was annoyed with the repeal of the Healthy Youth Act. The vagina then showed Roys pictures of the wedding it just attended between a pancreas and a left boob.
Roys was pleased to announce she received the vagina’s endorsement in her candidacy for Congress.
