Summer reportedly abetted in the murder of Spring after City of Madison Police located Spring’s body at the bottom of Lake Mendota Wednesday.
Forensic analysts concluded Spring had been killed late Sunday evening after Summer and what appeared to be six Lake Mendota ducks clawed Spring to death. They then brought its body to the middle of the lake with one of the Memorial Union’s rental canoes.
While MPD Spokesperson Joel DeSpain said he was “utterly shocked” by Spring’s death, it was one of the “more creative” murders he had witnessed in the campus area.
“The precision and attention to detail Summer and the six Mendota ducks paid to executing the crime is the stuff saved for movies,” he said.
To commemorate Spring’s premature death and Summer’s sudden takeover, classes were canceled for the remainder of the week, as 75 percent of the student body reported being “too depressed to be productive.” The Memorial Union Terrace is serving complementary beer to all mourners.
Those looking to express their condolences to Spring’s family can join with bikini-clad girls on Bascom Hill each day of the coming week at 5:30 p.m. for Shiva, as Spring was a conservative Jew from Long Island.
