After a couple of years writing the sex column, I know my inbox tends to be a little emptier this time of year. I tell myself it’s because I’ve so brilliantly answered all of your questions over the course of the semester, but come on, y’all—I know it’s finals, but it’s also the holiday season, so send me the gift of a question or two at sex@dailycardinal.com.
In the meantime, I’m going to spend the final column of 2011 waxing philosophical (this time of year, I’m not waxing in any other kind of way). I think the holidays are a sexy, romantic time—candlelight everywhere, snowflakes in your hair, cold nights good for little except snuggling with someone special—and with the excitement of a new year, it’s the perfect time for a sexual resolution (or two).
Resolve to try something new.
It’s human instinct to make judgments quickly. But sometimes, “quickly” equals “prematurely,” and when that comes to sex, it can close us off from pleasures we never would have expected.
In 2012, resolve to say “yes” when your first reaction is to say “no.” I’m not talking about those times when your gut tells you something is unsafe or unhealthy, but rather those times when that first negative reaction stems primarily from fear of the unfamiliar or those preconceived notions of what’s “normal” or “weird” or “gross.”
Resolve to try that one thing you’ve always wanted to try. Resolve to work up the gonads to ask your partner to try it with you. Find out how to try it safely and pleasurably. Make a sexual to-do list with your partner and see how long it takes you to work through it.
Resolve to read more.
No matter how well-educated or sexually active we are now or have been in the past, it’s possible to find something we’ve never heard or considered before. Seek out the new and exciting.
Resolve to speak up.
When your partner has totally rocked your world, resolve to tell them so. When your partner would totally be rocking your world if they just went a little harder/slower/faster/to the left, resolve to tell them so.
Resolve to say something when someone makes homophobic or sexist jokes. Resolve to speak out when you see or hear ignorant or bigoted comments about someone’s body, gender, gender identity, sexual identity or sexual choices.
In 2012, an election year, resolve to let your elected representatives know where you stand. If they’re not paying attention to an important issue, tell them so. If they’re paying too much attention to unimportant issues, tell them so. With our legislators eyeing our sex lives with more interest than ever, now is the time to make your voice heard.
Resolve to masturbate more.
Masturbation is fun and educational. The single best way to learn about sex with a partner is to have sex with ourselves. When we know how to pleasure ourselves, we can communicate that to our partners. When we discover new ideas and techniques, we can apply those ideas and techniques to our partners, whether they have the same anatomy as we do or not.
Masturbation is normal. Masturbation is safe. Masturbation is healthy and fun. It relieves stress, menstrual cramps and boredom. It never gets old, even if we get old. There are a thousand different things we can try without any worry about how we might look or smell or sound as we experiment.
Did I mention masturbation is fun?
Resolve to ask questions.
Always had a question, but never knew whom you could ask? Always kinda wondered about this one thing, but never knew where to look? That’s where I come in. Resolve to shoot me an email at sex@dailycardinal.com.
Erica is a third year medical student with four years of experience with various sexual health education organizations and outlets. What are you resolving in 2012? Let Erica know at sex@dailycardinal.com.
