Only a few weeks after the state Senate approved rules allowing those with permits to carry concealed weapons on the Senate floor, members of the Senate are chosing violence over discussion to “get things done way quicker.”
Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald, R-Juneau, was thrilled to take advantage of the new lax weapon restrictions.
Donning a pair of chaps and spurs while sitting upon his recently acquired white steed, Fitzgerald, said the new measures were “necessary” to fully defend the Second Amendment as he admired his revolver.
“Fuck yeah, now I have might to back up all this job creation that’s going on,” Fitzgerald said.
State Sen. Fred Risser, D-Madison, who was apprehensive of the new policy, thought he would carry concealed weapons to prove that not just anyone should be able to have a gun.
“Guns on the Senate floor are not safe, see?” Risser said as he fired two shots in the air while the 32 other senators hid under the desk. “And this is me at my most alert.”
Though viewers will not be able to carry concealed weapons inside the gallery, many were able to view the first annual celebratory John Wayne-inspired face off between “Team Job Creators” and “Team ‘The Fab 16 not disenfranchising people’” during the special session meeting.
The 17-hour floor session, one of the longest in state history, consisted of an hour of inquisitive debate about business loans and 15 hours of shouting about how long semi-trucks could be on state highways. The last hour consisted of Fitzgerald and Risser walking to opposite ends of the chamber, counting to 10, turning around and threatening to shoot each other.
Department of Administration Secretary Mike Huebsch said the senators involved might have violated administrative code but he “wasn’t quite sure.”
There will be a special election in December for the 20th Senate District as the rifle state Sen. Glenn Grothman, R-West Bend, shoved inside his trench coat backfired when the other senators were having a heated debate about the definition of a bicycle.
Grothman does not face serious injuries but will now be “too crabby to serve the 20th Senate District,” according to a press release from his mother.
