When I think of the phrase ""blows my mind,"" I imagine my mind looking like a tiny pinprick of light in the depths of my skull. This pinprick then explodes outward, filling my skull cavity with galaxies, nebulae, and dark matter. Very quickly, capacity is reached, my eyeballs burst and stars, chunks of rock and weird blank black spaces pour out of my eye sockets. The following is a list of some things that have this effect on me.
Seasons.
I remember being able to wear only a skimpy little dress outside. Then there are days like today, when simply unbuttoning my jacket is a victory. Somehow, we adapt to temperature changes. Somehow, we adapt to walking on frozen water all the time. Somehow, we adapt to all the plants dying and the light going away. And then, we adapt to everything getting really wet and turning green in the sunlight. We act like it's normal.
Penises.
Sometimes, they're small and soft. Then they get bigger and hard like rocks. The difference between these two states is blood. Blood is what makes that thing so hard.
Babies.
Supposedly I am capable of growing another human inside my gut. Somebody uses a penis to inject less than a tablespoon of saltwater into my body and a human being comes out. Does not compute.
My mood.
Half the time, it stays out of my way. The other half, I'm trying to keep it in its pants and away from the window.
Chloroplasts.
They make food out of air!
Slapstick humor.
The other day, I was walking down State Street in a terrible mood. Then, my friend ran smack into Fair Trade Coffeehouse's fold-out sign. Instant euphoria. Why did his slamming into a sign make me feel so good? What is this instinct I have?
War.
Humans deliberately killing other humans. People ending other people's lives on purpose. How do they do it, day after day? If I had to do it, I would hate myself so much I would probably end up killing myself. And then there are guns—gobs of metal that explode out smaller gobs of metal with the purpose of ending lives. We make pieces of the Earth into death machines.
The legal status of marijuana.
I would never punch a man in the face while high. Drunk? Oh, you bet. And I would definitely resist arrest while drunk. Fortunately, I've never had the opportunity. While high, on the other hand, I would probably just burst into tears and do whatever they told me to do. Or laugh at them. That would be bad. I hope that never happens.
The sewer system.
All over the city, people are pushing levers to get rid of their shit. How awesome that we will never have to see it again!
Typing.
I think in vague ideas without even articulating them into words, and then I wiggle my fingers a little bit, and in front of me on a screen, my ideas appear. I don't have to think about which letters to push with which fingers. I don't have to think about sentence structure. I don't even really have to think about word choice. Just some finger-wiggling, and then poof! Something other people can easily interpret comes out.
Those are just a few things that shock and awe me. I encourage you to make your own list. Share it with your friends. It's a good time. Builds healthy relationships.
E-mail aengel2@wisc.edu with any comments, questions or items you might put on your list.
