3 a.m., and the lights in my room
are dimmed to perfection
My dreary eyes start to wander
toward my video game collection
Is it even a question
what game I will choose
on this cold rainy night?
With Call of Duty inside,
my Xbox begins
to cast a cool green light
I should be asleep, or better yet,
crunching some math
Yet my mind yearns for a few hours
of virtual bloodbath
As I grab my trusty Barrett 50 cal
I lie down to snipe
Tangos are moving in fast
the moment is ripe
My crosshairs lock in
on the first victim's head
god that kid really sucked
Maybe he would still have a head
if only he had ducked
His teammate was quick,
to hit the ground fast
clearly he was more wise
Though a lack of cover
finally led him
to his untimely demise
More bogies appeared up ahead
following in suit
It was almost too good to be true
a real turkey shoot
Bodies were piling up high
scattered upon the lawn
They'll be coming for revenge
as soon as they re-spawn
My kill streak climbed high
and so did my mood
this rivaled fellatio
I can only imagine
how great this will be
for my kill-to-death ratio
My heart sank
my Barrett failed to fire
I needed ammunition
Not to mention
even these morons by now
must know my position
At a dead sprint
I called in a chopper
to mow down the impending mob
Blood filled the screen
as I dodged a grenade
thrown from afar in a desperate lob
Three more kills
and I would soon have
that elusive nuke
My hands were shaking
as I fought
the sudden urge to puke
Climbing a hill
I ducked into a house
the enemy was closing below
I laid a mine
and went for the corner
ducked down in my virtual Alamo
My mine took care of the first two
as my heart began to throb
As I unsheathed my knife
I knew the last
would be a dirty job
But just as I jumped
towards my foe
with a last desperate slash
The screen went blank
and three red lights on my Xbox
began to flash
I grabbed my console
and out the window
I held the machine aloft
And with a loud smash
ended my long-term relations
with Microsoft
Was Andrew's attempt at poetry
somewhat appealing to you?
Let him know
by sending him an e-mail
at aplahr@wisc.edu.
