Girl at Bob's Copy Shop on University
Ave: So, I'm wondering if you can tell me where University
Avenue is?
Clerk: Ummm, it's right there.
Outside the window.
Guy in Asian One: I don't
need my food to be done. It just needs to be ready, you know?
Guy 2: What? Do you want to
get food poisoning?
Guy 1: Look, my chicken doesn't
have to be cooked, I just really need to go watch this football
game.
Girl at Bed Bath & Beyond: You
know what I hate? When my boyfriend doesn't put his tools away
after trying to fix something. Like the plunger or the pliers for
example.
Girl 2: I know what you mean. Mine
never folds our towels correctly. I mean, who wants to use a towel
that's been folded the hot dog way and then rolled? You have to
fold them in thirds, that's the way to do it.
Guy at Old Fashioned: Do you always
get two orders of cheese curds?
Guy 2: Yeah, why the hell not?
They're fucking delicious.
Guy 1: You are from Wisconsin,
aren't you. Do you get entire half barrels of Spotted Cow for
yourself too?
Girl in Grainger: As soon as I get
back to Grand Central, I'm going to dedicate a SO to Bop. They have
soooo many cute pairs of acid wash jeggings!
Guy in Espresso Royale Lower: Hey,
do you guys want to get together and pick some banjo
later?
Guy in Chadbourne: You know what
the best part about living in the dorms is?
Guy 2: All the semi-hot chicks
wanting to sleep on my futon?
Guy 1: What? No. I was going to say
the awesome high speed internet that allows me to online game at
higher levels than ever before.
Girl in Vilas: No, you can't use
that font. It's the font that I used in middle school to make
T-shirts that ended up making me hate myself.
Guy on phone: I saw the hottest
girl today on State Street. She had on these super sexy jeans that
laced all the way up the sides. I bet she must have been, like,
Romanian.
Guy 1: Seriously, fuck school. I'm
just going to drop out and live a freer lifestyle writing poems and
shit. Like Charles Bukowski.
Guy 2: Well, I guess that might be
true, if by ""freer lifestyle"" you mean addiction to alcohol,
cigarettes, etc, and writing those poems about women you want to
fuck but can't because you are so fucking destitute, or maybe
fucked only once and then they left you because you were too damn
obese and stunk perpetually like stale Schlitz.
Unnamed Professor: This will be the
best class you have ever taken. I have won awards. Some of you will
hate me. Oh well. Maybe the rest of you will gain some knowledge
for a change. The things you learn in this class will haunt you for
the rest of your life.
Girl: Do you realize that between
the two of us we own four Homestar Runner T-shirts?
Guy: Beauty.
Guy 1: If there's H20 on the inside
of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?
Guy 2: I give up, what's on the
outside.
Guy 1: K9P!
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