Every once in awhile, I am so excited or distraught (or both) by something I see or hear that I must break the traditions I have made for myself as a Page Two columnist.
Therefore, I am writing this column as myself, and I am writing it about Chat Roulette. That is not to say that I promised myself I would never write about Chat Roulette, but that in a span of approximately one minute and 30 seconds, my heart and loins were set afire with a flame that can only quell itself once I find out the truth, if even just a bitsy of the truth. The sad fact is that two of my body parts could potentially be engulfed in figurative flames forever, because no one can say for sure why some people are ready and willing to flash their pixelated junk to virtually anyone with a curious temperament and high-speed internet access.
Perhaps I brought this upon myself, I mean, it is called Chat Roulette. Not Chat Wholesomely with Friendly, Asexual People Who Want an Interesting Conversation They Can Refer to as a Learning Tool for Decades to Come. But at the same time, I felt thrust into the situation with little prior knowledge that not only would people be able to see me and my reactions through my webcam, but I would also be able to see their dicks—their full-frontal, naked dicks—through their webcams. To illustrate this point, I will breakdown what exactly happened in the first 15 seconds of my first and only Chat Roulette experience:
8:15:55 My roommate asks if I want to go on Chat Roulette.
8:15:59 I say sure as she sits down next to me.
8:16:05 First person disconnects because we are clothed.
8:16:10 First dick is exposed.
8:16:12 First time I feel my heart and loins catch fire, in the most burning and non-sexual of ways.
They say it takes only a fraction of a second for a bullet to enter a brain, but for me it took two seconds, and the bullet was the image of a stranger's penis, and the brain was my soul. Not only was I thrown off by this flasher, but also by the fact that 95 percent of the 10 people we came into contact with were boys who were clearly in a dorm room exposing their hairless chests. This is where my questions come into play. Why? That is my first question—why? When I was a freshman back in 2009, the street was the best and most effective place to expose yourself, and Craigslist was the best place to get someone to watch you pleasure yourself.
Which brings me back to my first question—why? Don't you boys in dorm rooms have some place to be, such as at your house meeting, eating pizza or playing leapfrog with real people? That is not to say that all freshman boys are on Chat Roulette, but that the ones who are must realize that this is the prime of their life! You are still mostly being supported by your parents; you still get full meals at your university food service; you are meeting hundreds of people a year; you don't have ED! Why waste away your livelihood exposing yourself on an anonymous website? And not only that, Chris Hansen could be watching!
At least I came out of this experience one step less naive. I just hope I can warn the faint of heart to stay on their usual kitten cam websites and not give into the worrisome temptation that is Chat Roulette. Heed, or see dicks. Unless you want to see dicks.
If you have your own Chat Roulette experience that your loins are burning to share, please e-mail VP at evanpay@wisc.edu.
