I convinced myself this semester was going to be the one. I set my goals high and had all my supplies ready. No procrastinating, no drawing doodles instead of taking notes and especially no selling organs on the black market during lecture. It really throws off your concentration.
Of course, saying all of this is far easier than putting it into practice. The first day of classes went fine, seeing as I only had discussions that were all cancelled. So far, so good. The second day presented a challenge.
I sat in lecture with pen in hand, as eager as a hyperactive kindergartner. I even had a matching notebook and folder combo. With 10 minutes before the start of class, I allowed my mind to wander a little. This was my fatal mistake.
It was then I saw him. He pushed his glasses back, licked his hand and tried to flatten his cowlick. This modern-day Romeo was out to impress.
While I felt my own heart - or maybe it was my stomach - flutter, it was obvious this specimen of manhood was taken. In the 10 minutes before class, he told someone on the phone I love you"" 17 times. He was scribbling hearts and the name Amber all over his notebook.
It was so cute I nearly gagged. You don't see guys like that anymore, but now the professor had arrived and it was time to get it together. I wrote the date and topic on top of the page in my notebook. Off to a great start.
Although class had begun, Romeo was still on the phone. He was texting wildly and received three messages before the professor had started on the syllabus. I couldn't resist reading over his shoulder: ""I love you! Love, Amber.""
Wow, this was an intense couple. But not nearly as intense as my desire to excel, I reminded myself. I forced myself to look at the professor again. I think I missed her name, but she had just told the class her nickname so I was still doing okay.
It was only by accident that I glanced in the direction of my new friend and spied yet another text. Oh, that Alex was a lucky girl...
Wait, but Amber had been the girl on the phone. Who was this Alex person? Ah, my little man was a two-timer! I was caught off-guard. The pocket protector hadn't been a tip off to his macho-man ways. But this was not ""study-the-stud hour."" It was time to concentrate.
I wrote a second sentence in my notes before he got another text: ""I miss you!"" But when he copied the message and sent it to both girls, I was utterly disgusted. In my shock I missed some sort of question-and-answer session with the professor. All I managed to catch was ""Arabic poetry.""
Okay, focus woman. I could see my semester slipping away already. Yes, yes, Arabic poetry, I already had that. But then the mystery man got another text and I just couldn't resist. Jessica? Who the hell is Jessica and who is this man?
His fingers were flying now. He was a texting machine, telling ladies left and right he missed them and how he loved them so. It took all my effort to not jump the seats and take him out, for all womankind.
But with 20 minutes left of class and about four sentences on my notebook page, he threw me a real curveball: ""I love you, Love Tom.""
Who is this man, and how is he dating everyone in Madison?!
The bell rang and I sat back, astonished. My promising start at the semester had become a dismal failure. Casanova was on his phone instantly, with whom I will never know.
I sat at my desk in shock. All I could do was doodle a cartoon about it in my notebook.
If you know any texting fiends or happen to be dating this guy, e-mail Megan at mcorbett2@wisc.edu.
