The time to give thanks has come around once again. The aroma of turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing seemingly has the power to make Americans across the country rejoice and give praise for all they have. But this year, I've decided to scratch that approach and explain the things I'm not so grateful for because, frankly, they suck.
I'm not thankful for the fact I've been getting less than five hours of sleep each night for the past month and am forced to make up for it in lecture. I hate it when I begin the infamous, uncontrollable head bob, then try to brace myself by leaning on my fist—and fail. This results in me essentially punching myself in the face while entertaining those sitting behind me.
I'm not thankful that Michael Knight from Project Runway didn't ""bring it"" during Fashion Week by making tops that Captain Jack Sparrow would wear if he was in ""Saturday Night Fever.""
I'm not thankful I'm a lefty and smudge everything I write, leaving a blue or black overcast on all my papers. On more than one occasion, I've cheerfully walked down State Street feeling like people passing by are giving me more attention than usual. But when I come home this happiness quickly fades after seeing the ink smeared across my nose and cheek in the mirror.
I'm not thankful Capitol Foods doesn't deliver after 9:00 p.m. This makes things very hard when you don't have a car and only have time to grocery shop at prime-mugging hours. Last week, I went up to the register with a cart full of food only to be told they couldn't get them to my apartment until the following day. So I strategically selected two bags-worth I thought were fundamental to bring home that night.
After unpacking them, I discovered I brought back croutons, salsa and milk—but lettuce, tortilla chips and cereal were nowhere in sight. The fact that Capitol Foods delivers at all is an excellent feature, but please keep this service going during all store hours because otherwise you're just teasing me.
I'm not thankful for the neighbors below. That drunken fire alarm incident at two in the morning is still fresh in my mind. Apologizing the next day would have made everything better. Bringing over cookies and/or beer would have made you my new best friends. But you went with the ignoring option—bad choice.
I'm not thankful the University Square 4 movie theater was torn down last summer and I now must wait to see ""Borat"" until I go home. I cannot count the number of times I've had to restrain myself from saying ""wawaweewa!"" in the past few weeks because someone will respond with, ""Haha, oh man, good times. You've seen it already, right?"" Having to shamefully look down at my feet and shake my head no is too much for me to bear.
But really, I'm not a completely ungrateful, cynical person—only during weekdays. And I'm actually very appreciative of all the things I'm fortunate enough to have. I have some wonderful people in my life, I go to an excellent university in a city like Madison and I have loyal readers like you who still put up with me for some reason.
Oh yeah, and at least an elderly couple at Memorial Union seemed to think I was cute the other day. They kept staring at me and giggling, but it's not like I had my Communication Arts notes imprinted on my forehead in green ink. Wow, that would be embarrassing. Wait a second...
