Things started out innocently enough'I'd just have one a day, no big problem. Then the cravings increased, suddenly one doubled to two per day, and I still wanted more. When I didn't have any, I'd feel antsy and awkward. At this point, I made a scary conclusion, like so many other brave men before me; I'd become addicted to string cheese.
I honestly do think I can get off string cheese'or 'SC' as it's known on the street'anytime I want. I just have to prime myself and realize that I can no longer consume mozzarella as the largest part of my diet. I think I can deal with it.
My SC addiction started this year. Sure, I have had string cheese before and thoroughly enjoyed it, but its relatively low price, decent taste and moderate preparation effort made for a perfect college snack.
Every Wednesday when I'd go to the grocery store, I'd make certain to grab a package. When I got home, I'd immediately have a stick. If I felt saucy, I might grab another one later that night. Wednesdays and Thursdays are always glorious, because they're filled with the string cheese.
However, when the weekend comes, I always realize I need to ration my delightful SC and cut back to just one a day. This rationing could be a big bummer, but I tend to compensate with a lot of heavy drinking. Alcohol does not provide nearly the same buzz as a fresh pack of string cheese, but few things do.
By the time Tuesday rolls around, I'm always out of SC. I must wait another 24 hours before I can hit up the store again and get my fix. Those 24 hours are absolute hell as I suffer through my dairy fits.
The simple solution is to just break tradition and go to the store on Tuesday, but that means I'll just have more to eat and the orgy of food products will prove too tempting. This could lead to weight gain, which is bad. Instead, I tried numerous anti-SC strategies, but none of them seemed to work.
I knew that getting off the cheese cold turkey was simply not an option. After an ill-advised attempt to create a string cheese patch out of the remnants of a package, I knew more drastic measures were necessary.
I needed to find a MethaDairy clinic'a place that could easily wean me off of my problem and allow me to survive as a normal human being. I soon found out that places like this don't exist. If I had a problem with coke or some other hard drug, I'd find treatment very easily, but SC addiction apparently doesn't count as 'real.'
This revelation strikes me as odd in a place like Wisconsin where cheese flows through most everyone's veins. I know I cannot be the only one ever to suffer through these horrendous Tuesdays of no cheese. Wisconsin needs to provide for the meek.
Then again, I guess I could just buy more cheese when I go shopping'that'd probably save everyone a lot of trouble.
